Don’t Be Afraid

By
Detia


I’m at a new place in my life, and it’s scary. Everyone was shocked when I just up and left. I even shocked myself. I think the most traumatizing part was when I actually went out the door and didn’t look back. I hadn’t even gotten two feet away before I began to feel guilty. I knew my husband would come home expecting to celebrate our 17th anniversary , but I wouldn’t be there. I knew he would be very upset and worried. I wanted to leave him a note explaining everything, but Kain told me not to even bother. I didn’t think it was right to do things that way, but I listened to Kain anyway. He said the most important thing was to get to safety. I was sent to Fense to stay at a safe house for prostitutes and other abused people. Kain suggested it because he knew Dray wouldn’t think to look for me there. The safe house is run by Sean Burns, a no nonsense counselor and therapist to the downtrodden and abused. Kain suggested that I talk to him, and I did. He helped me realize my marriage wasn’t based on love and trust, but lust and selfishness.

It took me a long time to believe that about my husband. I believed Dragor loved me, but he just had a different way of showing it. I didn’t believe how he was treating me was abusive. I figured since he wasn’t beating the crap out of me and accusing me of cheating, I was doing great. Sean helped me realize Dray was abusing me in another, more insidious way. He was abusing me emotionally. He made me feel like I couldn’t leave him. He made me feel guilty for even thinking about leaving him. I feel guilty now, even though others say I shouldn’t feel that way. Others want me to see things in black and white when it comes to him, but it’s just not that easy. He’s done a lot of good things for me and our children. He could have been a deadbeat dad, but he always made sure he was there. He once told me he didn’t want his children calling someone else ‘Daddy.’ I guess that was his jealousy talking, but I thought that was sweet at the time he said it.

I’m so confused about things right now. When Sean told me that he had romantic feelings toward me, that just made things even more confusing. He said he knows I need time to heal and become strong so he won’t try to become involved with me until I’m whole again. He also said even if I was ready to fall in love again, he would still wait until the divorce is final. He said he’ll wait patiently for me, for as long as it will take. He won’t force me into anything. When he said that to me I got a funny feeling inside. No man’s ever spoken to me like that before. They’ve either tried to chip away at my resistance or sweet talked me into giving in. I’ve never met someone so straightforward and honest. Part of me wants to open my heart to someone new, but I’m so afraid. I’m afraid of getting hurt and used again. When I told Sean this, he seemed to understand. How he felt about me was made clear one day when he gave me a music disc to listen to . I took it to my room to listen to it. He told me to listen very carefully to the lyrics.


No rush, though I need your touch,
I won't rush your heart.
Until you feel on solid ground,
Until your strength is found.

Girl,
I'll fill those canyons in your soul,
Like a river, lead you home.
And I'll walk a step behind,
In the shadows, so you shine.
Just ask it will be done,
And I will prove my love,
Until you're sure that I'm the one.

Somebody else was here before.
He treated you unkind.
And broken wings need time to heal,
Before a heart can fly.

Girl,
I'll fill those canyons in your soul,
Like a river, lead you home.
And I'll walk a step behind,
In the shadows, so you shine.
Just ask it will be done,
And I will prove my love,
Until you're sure that I'm the one.

Trust in me,
And you will find a heart so true.
All I want to do is give the best of me to you,
And stand beside you.
Just ask it will be done,
And I will prove my love,
Until you're sure that I'm the one.


As I listened to the song I began to cry. The truth of everything that was said in that song overwhelmed me. I was crying so hard I didn’t hear Sean come into my room. I realized he was there when he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him with a tear stained face.

“I want so much to love again, but I’m so scared…” I sobbed. He sat down beside me and gently embraced me.

“Don’t be afraid to love again, Liza. It’s one of life’s greatest gifts.”

“What if I get hurt…?”

“Liza, I don’t want to hurt you. I’d never leave you. I’ll love you no matter what.”

His green eyes expressed so much sincerity I knew without a doubt he meant what he said. As I wiped away my tears, laid my head on his shoulder, and let him hold me. I’ve never felt so safe and loved. My feelings of guilt and confusion melted away. I wasn’t afraid anymore.

(The One: Gary Allan.
Written by Karen Manno and Billy Lee.
© Lucky Girl Music/Migraine Music.
From "Alright Guy", © 2001, MCA.)


Back to the Guest Author Section
 Back to the SilverHawks Fanfiction Homepage
 Back to the Shadowspace