Good-Bye and Thank You Part II
Good-bye and Thank You
By
Lady MoonHawke
With gratitude and great affection to my partner in crime, who has been one with Krysten longer than I have with Aurora. You're the best, and I couldn't do it without you.
Voca, voca me.
Voca me cum benedictes
-Requiem, W.A. Mozart
Aurora stared out the car window, watching the plains of her home state roll by. She had been away for seven years, and nothing looked any different. In a way, she wasn't surprised. Montana never changed very much. Whether covered in snow or brown prairie grass, the landscape still undulated with an odd hypnotic quality. Now it was dotted with rapidly melting drifts of snow, even this late in June, the blotches of white looking like some strange disease on the skin of the earth. Aurora pushed the thought from her mind. It was too easy for fall into moody thoughts in the few days since her father had died. Maybe that's why she expected something to be different. She felt so far from where she had been a week ago, and she felt it in more than just geography. She had been so happy, chatelaine of a vast estate, mother of the heiress, a battle captain with a small army under her personal command. Now, in the vast open spaces of her home, she felt small and alone. The boundless plains and plateaus had been her friend before, hiding secrets behind each rise. Now they just seemed empty. Aurora let the thought go as the phone beside her rang. She picked it up and answered.
"Yes?" It was a her mother's company car, and undoubtedly, someone was trying to reach Carolyn.
It was Carolyn herself. "I'm going to go to the funeral home with...your father. Will you see that everyone is settled in at home before it's time to leave for the viewing?"
Aurora made a face. She had been gone for years, and now had to play hostess. Who knew what changes had been made since she left? "Sure, I'll do my best. When do we need to be there?"
"Just before six should be fine. People will be coming and going all night, and they will expect us to be there."
"How are we all getting there?" Aurora asked.
"The car will return at 5:30 to pick all of you up. Have you told the others yet?"
"No. I'll ask them when we get to the house. I'm sure they'll all come. Do you need anything else?"
"No. I'm sorry you had to come home to this, Aurora."
"So am I, Mom. I'll see you later." Aurora replaced the phone in its holder, then activated the intercom to the driver. He had been with the company for many years, and Aurora knew him better than most.
"Lucas, will you drive us home, please? Mrs. Stargazer will be finishing some business in Harrison on her way home." She had been brought up never to discuss personal problems with employees, and Lucas would probably burst into tears again if she mentioned her father.
"Of, course, Miss Aurora-, I'm sorry, Miss Stargazer. Whatever you wish. When shall I pick you up this evening?" He knew, but it was automatic to ask for directions rather than assume.
"5:30, if it will be convenient.”
"Certainly." He was silent a moment. "Miss Stargazer, if it's not too forward, please allow me to express my sympathies to you and your mother."
"Thank you, Lucas. You have always been a most considerate person, and we appreciate it."
The other SilverHawks could only look at each other in scarcely veiled amazement. No one had any idea that Aurora came from this kind of life, with chauffeured limousines and well-known servants. What her home was like was anyone's guess.
Aurora looked over at the others arranged on the bench seats. "We're going straight to the house since my mother wants to make sure everything is in order for tonight. We both hope you will feel free to make yourselves comfortable, and ask if there is anything we can do."
Michael coughed, slightly abashed. "Shoot, Aurora. You got the cart before the horse. We're here to make things easier for you, not the other way around. You should tell us if we can help. Sure as shootin' you don't want a mess o' folk clutterin' up y'all's house and all."
Aurora smiled. "I have no idea what you just said, but please believe that Mom and I do want you here with us. You were my father's family these last few years, and he would turn in his grave if I expected you to fend for yourselves in this northern wasteland. Besides, the motel service around here stinks, and I intend to let Command have every last lousy room in payback for keeping my father away so long."
Jonathan looked doubtful. "Isn't that a little vicious, Aurora."
She considered for a moment. "No. I'd say it's just about right." She went back to staring out he window.
Whatever everyone had expected Aurora's childhood home to be like, this was not it. The car stopped in front of a brick-and-frame two-story house, not very different from any other on the block. There were no fences, no grand gates, nothing to indicate that a top corporate executive lived here. When the car door was opened, Aurora slid out with ease. "Would you bring the bags in, please, Lucas. I'll get the door." She fished the spare set of keys her mother had given her out of her bag and walked up the path to the door. She stopped at the porch and looked back at the others, still clustered around the car. "Guys, it's just a house. Come on. I've got to find some different clothes and settle you all in rooms before the visitation. We, my mother and I, are hoping you will come tonight. All of Dad's friends from here will be there, and the pukes from Command, too, not that I want to see them."
Krysten came up the path with Michael in tow. "We will be happy to do anything that will help you, Rorie."
Aurora opened the door to her old bedroom and looked around. Nothing had been moved in the seven years she had been away, and it was almost like stepping into another life. The wall of shelves was still covered with medals and photos from her years in gymnastics, her favorite hat was still hanging off a corner of the dresser mirror, and the white sleigh bed still dominated much of the floor space. She stepped farther in to allow Lucas room to bring in her bags by habit, then remembered that she had no luggage. She had sent her armor back with a shipping company, and had borrowed clothing from her mother's overnight bag to avoid having to return home still labeled "Property of SilverHawks Academy." Right now, she didn't feel like being anyone's property, not even her own. She brushed a hand across the top of the dresser. Not a speck of dust rose in the afternoon sunlight. Aurora was certain there were fresh sheets on the bed, as well. No detail would have escaped her mother's examination. She dropped onto the bed and stared out the window at nothing.
Krysten knocked on the open door of Aurora's room, and entered when Aurora gestured. She was sitting on the bed, and didn't say anything as Krysten came in. Krys marveled at the collection memorabilia. Gold, silver and bronze medals inscribed with the place, event and date were lined up in specially designed racks. Photos of the winners grouped together often showed Aurora with a tall blonde man Krysten knew the be Aurora's late boyfriend, Steven, and he was featured in other photos with her. They had apparently gone to every imaginable function together, and the dated and labeled portraits traced a year of formal and informal dances, as well as casual parties with friends. She recognized the first in the line from a copy Aurora had brought to HawkHaven. The others detailed Homecoming, Christmas, New Year's, St. Valentine's Day, something called a "Spring Fling" and Aurora's Senior Prom. She looked over at Aurora. "I didn't realize you like to dance so much."
"I stopped enjoying it after Steven died. No one could ever dance like he did," she said distantly.
"Not even Starlight," Krysten asked archly.
"Dancing in the twelfth century is a little different. Everyone does the same moves at the same time, and you go from partner to partner. It reminded me of a cake-walk, actually. It wasn't quite the same...experience that dancing now with a really good partner can be."
"I wasn't necessarily talking about vertical dancing," she replied.
"You have sex on the brain since getting married," Aurora quipped. "Anyway, my sex life is definitely not on the table for discussion. What I need to do right now is find something to wear tonight. I'm about done in with wearing other people's clothing." She shrugged off her mother's suit jacket and draped it across the bed, then walked around the end of the bed and opened the closet door. Krysten followed her as she walked in and turned on the light. Racks and shelves lined the walls, and clothes were neatly stored everywhere. Things seemed to be grouped by style and color. Aurora pulled out a two-piece skirt suit and hung it from a hook, then began flipping through blouses. She selected an ivory one and held it against the suit. "What do you think?" she asked Krysten.
"It's beautiful. Is that silk?" she replied, reaching out to touch the blouse.
"Yes. I got kind of addicted to them during college and started collecting as many as I could find." She hung the blouse over the suit.
"I thought you'd wear black tonight," Krysten said on the way out of the closet.
"Tomorrow is soon enough for that. Where is everyone else?' Aurora asked.
"Getting settled. I went ahead and sort of assigned rooms, but if I've made any mistakes-"
Aurora waved her explanation off. "Nothing up here is occupied except my mother's room, and it's obviously lived-in." She checked her watch. "Do you think anyone else is hungry? We have time to eat before getting ready to go," she said.
"I'll see. Where do you want everyone to assemble?"
"Kitchen's as good as anyplace. It's downstairs to the right into the dining room, and another right through the swinging door. It'll probably be open. I'm not such a snob that no one can see my kitchen."
"At least when it's in the same building as everything else?" Krysten jibed, remembering the set-up at Starlight's castle.
"Well, if I went messing around in there, everyone would watch the food burn while they waited for me to tell them what to do. Better to let them do their thing and not get in the way." Aurora sighed. "God, do I ever want to get home. And those pukes at Command want me to lead the program until further notice." She sighed again. "I'll see you downstairs."
In the kitchen, Aurora rummaged through the refrigerator, and settled on serving make-your-own sandwiches. She piled bread, condiments and other fixing on the island in the center of the kitchen and went to work on her own meal. As she slathered mustard and light mayonnaise on a French roll, she heard the others coming down the stairs. "To your right," she called out to guide them into the kitchen. "Help yourselves to sandwich stuff. I'm going to make coffee in just a second." She finished piling lettuce and tomatoes over the meat, and set the top of the roll in place. She examined the coffee maker briefly, shaking it gently and peering into the filter basket, then flipped the switch. "I should have known. Mom left it set to go for the next batch. She hates to mess with it in the morning." Aurora pulled plates from a cabinet and stacked them at the end of the island. "I'm sorry to be such an indifferent hostess. I'm not to sure yet what's here, so bear with me a little while. I'll get it sorted out pretty soon."
Emily reached out to touch her arm. "You don't need to do this. If it would be easier for you alone-"
"No!. I don't want to be alone here. It's like a tomb." Aurora took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to get a grip on her emotions. "My father left for the program from this house, my sister died while living here, and Steven lived here when he died. And if I know my mother, she will throw herself right back into work after the funeral, so for the remainder of my leave, if you guys go, I will be alone here, and," she bit her lower lip for a moment, "I'm afraid." She sniffled, and grabbed a napkin to swab at her face.
Krysten came over and hugged her. "We'll all do whatever it takes to help you. Just dump anything you don't want to do on us. That's why we're here." She gestured to Aurora's sandwich. "We're going out to the table. Will one of you bring that?" She helped Aurora out to the dining room.
The others joined them shortly with plates of sandwiches and the coffee pot, and they sat for hours rehashing old stories about the commander; how the original team had met him, Krysten's bizarre entrance into their lives, and the shock of discovering the he'd had a life before the SilverHawks and a daughter looking for an explanation. They filled Aurora in on the adventures she had missed while living in the 12th century, and she in turn shared some of her stories, though none of a terribly personal nature that would upset Jonathan. He had changed so much since she had seen him last, and deserved at least some small consideration. The story of her kidnapping by a rival lord, with a few small deletions, including that fact that she had been pregnant at the time, made everyone sit up and pay attention. The details of the final battle she had been engaged in before her return also fascinated the space fighters, who questioned her carefully about strategy and tactics. Before Aurora realized it, she glanced down at her watch, then jumped up.
"Damnation! I'm going to be late at this rate." She looked around at the dishes on the table. "If you guys really want to help, throw all this stuff into the dishwasher, and I'll get around to turning it on tonight." With that, she left the room, and her footsteps could be heard running up the stairs.
Jonathan looked around. "Do we want to work out a KP schedule?" he asked, looking around.
Krysten was already on her feet. "Later. We still need to get dressed, too. Em, can you get the coffee cups?" She looked over at her husband, who was quickly draining the last of his coffee in order to hand the cup to Emily. "Michael, get the black dress out of the hanging bag for me, will you? I'll just be a minute down here." She turned and went into the kitchen, with Emily close behind. The men all stood and trooped upstairs, followed momentarily by the ladies.
Rolling again through the grassland between Frostbite Falls and Harrison, Aurora felt somehow different from the way she had felt earlier looking at this same scene. She couldn't put her finger on the difference, however. _Maybe I was just hungry,_ she thought to herself, and sighed.
Jonathan looked over at her. "Are you okay? Do you need some fresh air, or some water?" He pulled a bottle out of the mini-fridge, and offered it to her.
Aurora considered briefly, then took the water. "I just want this to be over," she said, knowing it would throw him off, but was still true enough to win her some quiet. She kept seeing the orders from Command again in her mind. Orders to take her father's position even before he was gone. _I should be selfish,_ she thought. _I should tell them 'hell no' and go back to my daughter and my- what?_ She paused in her thought to try to identify her exact relationship with Starlight. She knew he loved her dearly, and she loved him also, but he had never married her. Maybe it had been her own fault. She had told him when she was pregnant that she didn't expect him to marry her, that it should only happen if it was from a free and unclouded heart. After all, she'd said, his child would inherit what was her due, no matter who her mother was. Now, when it seemed too late, she knew she wanted to be his wife. It just didn't seem likely to happen. Aurora sighed again, and took another drink of her water to reassure her friends.
The next two hours seemed like the longest in Aurora's life. People came in, murmured something they thought was comforting, then stood around in small groups chatting quietly. She could hear remarks about how nice the flowers were, and how well she and her mother were taking it, but the mention about how good her father looked startled her. The threw a glance down to the other end of the room, a place she had avoided viewing all evening. Between the people, she could see the top of the casket open, but not her father. For that small mercy, she thanked whatever deity might be listening. She had given up on God in particular long ago. She cast a quick glance at her mother, and when she was between visitors, she whispered, "Why is it open?"
"I had to see him one last time," her mother whispered back. "It will be closed for the mass tomorrow."
Aurora had forgotten about the mass. It would be a long, traditional Catholic ceremony, heavy on Latin, and, at least for Aurora, short on comfort. She opened her mouth to refuse to attend, then closed it. There was no way she could not attend her father's funeral, as awful as it would make her feel. "I'm going to get some air," she said abruptly. On the way out, she brushed indifferently past a member of the General Staff who had not yet removed his hat, and his companion. Aurora happened to catch her eyes with her own, and almost broke into tears. They were the same sapphire blue that haunted her memories of Steven, Starlight, and Adryanna. Aurora burst out into the cold air and took several deep breaths to calm her self. She watched the clouds of vapor rise in the light of the parking area, and wished she was anywhere but there.
Aurora woke the next morning with clear but unpleasant memories of the night before. Although she had eventually been forced back into the mortuary by the rapidly cooling night air, she had refused to return to the room where her father's body lay in state, and the affair had broken into two camps. One stayed with her mother, the other courting Aurora in a waiting area down the hall. Team members rotated back and forth, torn between supporting the wife of their beloved commander, or their friend, his daughter. Carolyn and Aurora hadn't spoken for the rest of the night, and frosty silence had accompanied everyone home in the limousine. Aurora brushed the memories aside now. There were still things to face today, like a lengthy funeral mass, the burial, and a special memorial that the military delegation wanted "to remember one of their own." Aurora frowned at the thought. _They could have damn well remembered him sooner by sending him home, where he could be happy and enjoy life._ But she couldn't fool herself for long. She could wish otherwise, but her father had loved his work. It was meaningful, important work, and he had been proud to be a part of it. Aurora entered her closet, looking for something to wear. The black dress she had selected for the service jumped out at her, but she couldn't face putting it on this early. There were still four hours until the noon service, and she didn't want to dwell on it right now. She dug through some old things and located a team shirt from her college days. "We Flip for Harrison" it said, with a series of silhouettes outlining a backflip. Well, why not? No sense trying to be someone else. She pulled it on, along with a pair of plain black leggings, and secured her hair back from her face with an elastic band. Then she went down to face the music.
She found the others around the table eating breakfast. Several chafing dishes were on the sideboard, keeping warm scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage and toast. Aurora helped herself to a couple slices of toast and a large cup of coffee, and seated herself in her accustomed place from the station, next to the empty head of the table across from Jonathan. She returned greetings between gulps, and refilled her cup before starting on her toast. She bit off a corner, and saw Jonathan trying to read her shirt. She swallowed her bite and said, "It's from the school gymnastics team. I was All-Around Champion for a couple of years running." He looked away, obviously embarrassed to be caught staring at her. She looked around at the other, who were staring at their plates, trying not to be obvious about their discomfort. They were all dressed a great deal more formally. Aurora shook her head. "Hey, hello out there. I'm not out of my mind. I just didn't want to get dressed yet. Can we try to act like everything is normal, or at least as normal as possible?" There were nods around the table. "Thank heavens," Aurora said. "I'm getting tired of this speech. Please start acting at home here. I hate feeling like I live in some kind of B-and-B."
"You make it sound like some kind of adult film," Will said from across the table and halfway down.
Aurora smiled wryly. "Don't I wish. Might be interesting. But we'll have to remodel, and I don't think my mom will go for it." The others laughed. "Is she up, yet, by the by?"
Krysten nodded. "She's out dealing with the people setting up for this afternoon. Command sent them, and they want to drape anything vertical with some kind of bunting."
"She's bein' nice, Aurora," Michael burst in. "They're tryin' to turn it into some kinda Fourth of July Picnic or somethin'." He was obviously displeased with the decorating scheme.
"They're flags representing the different units represented by the delegates," Jonathan put in.
Aurora looked at him. "I almost understood that," she said. "Are you telling me everyone coming this afternoon wants to put up a flag?"
"You've got the gist of it," Emily said from her place next to Will. 'Kidd whistled his opinion, and Aurora knew it wasn't a good one, either.
She got up. "I have to see this," she said, crossing the entry hall to the living room, and turning toward the back of the house. The others followed her to observe the work being done. She stood just inside the French doors to the patio, and looked at the various flags being set on temporary poles in two lines down the sides of the yard. "It looks like the damned United Nations out there," she said half to herself. Then she spotted her mother in discussion with a man who seemed to be in charge of the controlled chaos. "Hang on a minute," she said to the team. "I'm going to see what the deal is." She exited, and they could see her cross to her mother and speak to her, and the supervisor. Aurora was shaking her head emphatically, and her mother seemed to agree with her. The supervisor appeared to be unmoved by their arguments, however, and Aurora turned to go back inside, while her mother went over to speak to someone in a white caterer's jacket.
"It's part of 'the plan,' he said, and 'the plan' can't be changed for anyone. This is how all official memorials are done, and we will just get in the way or get run over trying to stop it," Aurora told the others when she got back inside. "I'm going to shower. I'll see you guys later," she said, and went back upstairs.
Incense wreathed Aurora in the sanctuary, and she coughed a little as she tried to discreetly wave it away. The Latin chanting was making her drowsy, and only the repeated standing and kneeling was keeping her awake. She knew she had dozed off during the sermon, but she didn't think anyone had noticed, at least outside this first pew, and her friends wouldn't make any remark. The chanting started to lull her again, and she closed her eyes and started to drift again.
"Requiem aeternem donna eis, Domine..."
"Et lux perpetua, luceat eis..."
"Kyrie Eleison..."
"Christe Eleison..."
Krysten had been raised in a Baptist church, and Michael a Southern Baptist, but both of their hearts sagged under the weight of the Latin words. With each inflected syllable, Krysten's tears threatened to fall, and she dabbed at her eyes with a lacy scrap of handkerchief that Carolyn had slipped into her hand when they arrived at the church. _I can't believe he's gone,_ she thought for the hundredth time, squeezing Michael's hand and feeling him squeeze back. Smiling faintly, she let her gaze wander over the beautiful finish of the casket and the huge spray of lilies draping the top. _'He that believeth in me, though he die, yet shall he live,'_ Krys whispered to herself. _Sir, if there was anyone who exemplified the Christian walk, it was you. I have no doubts of that._
The congregation stood to their feet, but Krys' mind was more on her silent conversation than what the priests were doing, so she let the droning cadences fade into the background. _We all miss you so much, sir. As much as we all knew this day would come, we weren't prepared for it. Who is? And really, there were plenty of times we all might have gotten ourselves blasted into 'dinnerware', so I guess none of us thought about dying the normal way._ Krys cast a glance at her best friend, who was repeating the Gloria through pale lips. _Oh, Rorie..._
"--by Corporal Krysten Merino, who served with the Commander in the SilverHawk project," Father McMillan was saying, the sound of her name jerking Krys out of her reverie. All eyes in the chapel turned toward the young woman in black, and immediately Krys was on her feet, sliding past Michael's knees with her sheet music in hand.
The walk to the microphone was even longer than the trip up the aisle on her wedding day, and Krys wondered briefly if she would ever reach it. The heels of her shoes made muffled clicks against the stone floor, and as she approached the casket, she reached out her left hand and smoothed the wood as she passed. Stepping into a pool of rainbow brilliance that cast blue and red fire on her upswept curls, Krysten smiled at the pianist and willed herself a final time not to cry.
"It must have been cold there in my shadow....to never have sunlight on your face...A beautiful face without a name, for so long...a beautiful smile to hide the pain..."
The notes flowed like water, and with them came memories of happier times. The first Christmas she spent at the station, and a conversation with the Commander about finding 'home' and 'family' where she least expected it...
"Did you ever know that you're my hero...you're everything I would like to
be..."
...when she and Aurora cooked up a surprise party for the Commander's sixty- fifth birthday, and actually pulled it off...
"I can fly higher than an eagle...for you are the wind beneath my wings..."
The second verse was easier, the music swelling and lifting her high above the sorrow and the smell of incense. She almost felt as if she were once again on silver wings, remembering a young, nervous recruit wanting desperately to impress her CO. Memories of the brutal modification process, and the gentle gruffness the Commander had pitted against her pain drifted in, only to be replaced by the proud smile he had worn when she and Mike announced their engagement.
"I was the one with all the glory...while you were the one with all the strength...you were content to let me shine, that's your way...you always walked a step behind..."
Memories were coming faster now, in bursts and flashes rather than complete images. A dozen times they had all laughed together...gritted determination on the Commander's face as he outlined a battle plan...true concern for his soldiers as they left on a complex mission.
"It might have appeared to go unnoticed...but I've got it all right here in my heart...I want you to know, I know the truth...of course I know it..I would be nothing without you.."
Krys let the notes carry her away, soaring with the Commander into a beautiful place of light and love. Tapping into a Power that left her energized, Krysten threw her head back and poured the music from deep inside of her, feeling the hair stand up on the back of her neck.
"Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything, everything..I wish I could be...OOhhh, and I, I can fly higher than an eagle...You are the wind beneath my wings...Oh, the wind beneath my wings..." She drew the notes out, giddy from the love she felt radiating back from her friends.
"Fly.....fly!...Fly high against the sky..." Krys reached her hands Heavenward. "So high I almost touch the sky..." Then she was drifting gently back to Earth, the Power receding, the love wrapping itself around her in a protective bolster. "Thank you, thank you...thank God for you...The wind beneath my wings..."
Only as the music faded, did Krys allow her tears to fall.
Two pairs of sapphire eyes watched the group in the front row, focusing in particular on the commander's raven-haired daughter. He wanted to be with her now, and help her through the trying days ahead, but he was too aware that forcing her to acknowledge him would only give her more pain, and that had never been his intent. The general held his own daughter's hand tightly, and shed silent tears for a man he hadn't known well, but felt that he had shared much with. Very little emotion could be spotted in the front row, except for Krysten Barter Merino, who sang an anthem of love, friendship and gratitude with eyes shining from unshed tears, but a dazzling smile belying them.
Aurora moved numbly from the sanctuary to the church yard behind it, and the small cemetery maintained for members of the church family. She paused by her sister's stone set flush with the grass, and leaned down to brush a few leaves from its surface. "I did my best, Sis. It's your job to watch him now. I've done all I can. The rest is up to you." She walked slowly past the area reserved for her mother, and settled into one of several chairs set out in front of the gaping hole in the ground. She had escaped the ceremony a little early, and could see the procession moving toward her from the building. She quickly swiped at her burning eyes with a scrap of linen, and cursed the incense that had irritated them. At least the air out here was fresh, and she could breathe deeply without fear of choking. Funny how the pitch-soaked torches at the castle had never affected her like this, but a little bit of smoldering herb could send her into coughing fits and set her eyes to stinging so badly. She could see the figures of the procession more clearly now, including the boy whose job was to swing the censer. Blast. She'd hoped it would be left inside, but that didn't seem to be the case. She could see the casket more clearly now, too. The lilies had been removed, and a flag draped over it instead. It was the flag of United Earth Star Command, and Aurora had come to hate it, representing as it did all that had kept her father from her. It was not logical, but it was how she felt. She rose as the cortege approached, partly in respect, but in a small part to try to find a place upwind from the damned incense. Her mother joined her and whispered in her ear.
"Are you okay, dear? I was worried when you left the service."
"The incense was really starting to bother me. I'll be okay out here, if he just stays away. It was right next to us during the lesson," she replied.
Her mother nodded, then whispered to the priest. He in turn whispered to the altar boy with the censer, who went to stand at the far end of the area from Aurora. Aurora smiled gratefully at her mother, and clasped her hand in thanks. They watched in silence as Jonathan, Michael and Will, along with the other pall bearers, moved the casket into position on the hoist that would lower it into the ground. When the men had settled themselves, the priest read a short blessing, and the flag was removed. It was folded with great ceremony, and carried with great pomp and circumstance to Carolyn. She graciously accepted it, then immediately handed it to Aurora. She wrapped her arms around it and hugged it tight to her chest. Then a single bugle gave a long, drawn out rendering of "Taps," and there was a rifle crack like thunder. Aurora started at this, then rose with her mother, and walked to the edge of the grave that seemed to be swallowing her father's coffin. She watched her mother gather a handful of earth and sprinkle it gently into the opening, then followed suit. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she whispered, and followed her mother to the waiting car.
Krysten looked out at the massive gathering of military personnel, friends and family, hugging her elbows against a chill breeze that belied the bright Montana summer sun. The skirt of her black dress, while it had been appropriate for the warmer clime of the Mojave Desert, was a little short for the lingering snap in the air, but she only hugged herself tighter and frowned inwardly. _Here I am, worrying about a little cold, while my best friend is burying her father today._
"Hey." A voice close to her ear, a kiss brushed across the bare temple usually covered by her trademark curls. "How you doin'?"
Krys turned to gaze up at Michael, the bright gold of the wedding band on his left fourth finger in sharp contrast to his dark suit. She sighed. "About the same as I was the last time you asked. Lousy." She began to protest as he shrugged out of his blazer, but gave in with a grateful smile as he draped the wool over her shoulders, pressing her nose to the lapel and inhaling deeply of his warm, masculine scent. "We've probably got about an hour before the memorial starts, so I suppose we should get the Team together for one last huddle, as Will would say."
"Yeah." Michael's voice was slightly hoarse as he looked out at the crowd from where they stood on the patio, and he rubbed his wife's shoulders through the wool. "We'd probably better change, too." He slid his large, callused hand into hers, pulling her away from the vantage point and back into the house. "God, Krys, do you know how long it's been since I wore that monkey suit twice in succession?"
Smiling despite the fresh tears that threatened, Krysten shook her head. "I can imagine. I can count on two hands the times I've worn my dress uniform since I joined up. I just hoped that this occasion to wear it could be put off indefinitely."
"Honey, people get old. That's a fact, today, tomorrow, yesterday and always." Michael drew Krysten upstairs to their room into his strong, safe arms, rubbing her back as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "God didn't make us to be indestructible." He pulled away and took her face in his hands, looking deeply into her cerulean blue eyes. "Even SilverHawks have to die sometime."
The dam broke, and Krysten's slender body began to shake with quiet sobs. "I know, I know," she moaned into the white Van-Heusen shirt covering his chest. "I never dreamed this would be so hard. I never thought that one day, the Commander wouldn't be here for us."
Michael reached into his pants' pocket and pulled out a snowy white handkerchief, carefully wiping Krys' tears away where they had smudged her makeup. "I know, me neither. I just couldn't imagine that I'd never hear that gravelly old voice anymore, getting on my tail for something." He grinned, loosening his tie a little and unbuttoning the first button of his shirt, then stood with hands on hips and a mock-scowl on his face in fond imitation of the Commander. "I can almost hear him: 'Bluegrass! Get the Maraj saddled up and get out of here, on the double!'" Michael chuckled, heartened to see the way Krysten's grin echoed his own as he unfastened his collar and slipped off the tie. Then he looked down at the length of dark blue silk, running his thumbs--both flesh, now--along one of the seams. "I sure am going to miss the old man," he breathed.
The youngest member of the team smiled at him, some of her sadness giving way to happy memories. "Me too, hon. Me too." She moved closer to him, her slender fingers undoing the pearly buttons of the shirt, noticing how his chocolate-brown eyes had gone a shade darker. "You know what, though? I think what I just said is wrong. The Commander will always be here for us, just not in ways we'll know about."
Michael smiled, catching Krys' hand as she finished unbuttoning and pressed it to the taut, flat warmth of his belly. "You're right. You know what I mean, though; I looked up to him so much, I sort of forgot he was human. I think we all did."
Krys patted his stomach, then pulled away to go retrieve her uniform from the mirrored closet. "I know I did. He sort of took over for my dad when I left home."
"Well, I think he did a decent job finishing raising you." Michael, now shirtless, enfolded Krys in his muscled arms, pinning her elbows to her sides when she would have finished unzipping her dress. "You turned out just fine."
Smiling at the picture they made in the mirrored closet door, Krys patted the arm he clasped around her chest. "I'm sure he would take that as a compliment." She closed her eyes as he kissed her cheek again. "Come on, Rawhide, leggo. Putting this off won't make it any easier." She shrugged out of the black silk, and draped it across the bed to prevent wrinkles. She looked at Michael, who had disengaged himself and was rooting around in the closet for his own uniform. "Don't forget your decorations. There are quite a few generals out there, and I wouldn't want them to underestimate you because you don't like 'all them shiny things.'"
"Married less than a month, and already a nag." He pecked her on the forehead on the way to the dresser. "You're a real marvel, remembering all the junk. Don't reckon I know what I'd do without you." He started to attach multi-colored bars to his uniform jacket, representing the many medals he had been honored with. They added a bright spot of color to the royal blue jacket. He had never liked the dress uniform, partly because his signature bandanna and ten-gallon hat had no place in it. He set his uniform hat on his head and studied his image in the mirror. He smiled as his silver pilot's wings caught his eye, and he gave them a swipe with his handkerchief before tucking it into his pocket. He turned to look at his wife, who was tugging on the form fitting jacket of her uniform. Paired with the short narrow skirt, it highlighted her curvaceous form. He crossed the room as she buttoned it from waist to neck, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "I like that outfit a lot more than mine," he said, kissing her.
She smiled up at him. "It wouldn't look so good on you." She chuckled. "It doesn't really look so good on me. They designed it for women shaped more like Emily and Aurora, taller and willowy. I guess they didn't figure on short, curvy recruits when they started drawing clothing. Oh, well. Maybe I'll transfer to uniform division and design something that looks good on everyone." She eased out of his grip and stepped back into her high-heeled shoes. "At least these look good on me."
"They're not good for your feet, though," Michael said dubiously.
"They are good for my height, however, and I'm not going to wear them forever." She kissed the tip of her finger and pressed it to his lips, then tottered out of the room.
Michael made a face and followed her.
Krysten paused in the hallway at the top of the stairs. "You go ahead," she said. "I'm going to make sure Aurora's all right, and see if I can get her moving toward the patio." She kissed Michael quickly, too quickly in his opinion, then walked over to her friend's door and knocked. Michael went down the stairs without her.
A knock at the door woke Aurora from her nap, but she didn't bother to remove the damp washcloth from her eyes. "Come in," she called out, not especially interested in who was knocking. The incense from the funeral service had left her groggy, and irritated her eyes something awful. Its effects hadn't entirely worn off yet, and she was still a bit under the weather. _I'm going to be wonderful company downstairs,_ she thought. She heard the door open, and someone walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Are you coming downstairs? They're going to start soon," Krysten said.
"Do I have to?" Aurora asked in her best "whiny teen-ager" voice.
Krysten laughed. "Not in the sense that you will die if you don't, but a lot of people will be disappointed, including your mother, the command staff, and I think, your father, or at least his spirit. You owe him this." She watched Aurora lift the cloth from her eyes. They were still red and irritated-looking. Krysten pulled a small bottle from her purse and held it out. "Here, try these."
Aurora read the bottle. "Why are you running around with eye drops?" she asked.
"The wind in the desert does the same thing to my eyes, so I always have some handy. It won't do anything for the puffiness around them, but at least your eyes won't hurt so bad. If it matters to you, the puffiness makes you look terribly sad and hurt. Kind of gives you a 'Stay away' look. Might come in handy."
Aurora sighed. "I guess I'll give it a shot then," she said, tilting her head back and putting in the drops. "If gets too awful, I can be overcome by emotion and leave."
"That's the spirit," Krysten replied, upbeat.
Aurora frowned as she stood up. "I'm doing this under protest. Let's make sure that's on the record."
"However you want to get through it is fine with me, as long as you try," Krysten said, heading for the door. "Are you going to go in uniform?"
Aurora chewed the inside of her cheek, considering. Then she sighed. "I guess I am. I don't really want to, because then I'll be one of 'them,'" she said, gesturing toward the window overlooking the back yard, "but I'll also be one of the team that way. My father's team, and I owe it to him, like you said. Just give me a minute to dig it out, then I'll change and be right behind you." She headed toward the closet as Krysten walked out of the room.
Aurora found the box of her personal effects that had been shipped back from HawkHaven. Now, she supposed, it would be sent right back up. What a waste of time. However, it would allow her to dress in her best uniform with the rest of the team. She dug through the box, looking for the royal blue skirt and jacket, and the gray blouse that went with them. She shrugged out of the black wool dress she had selected for the funeral, mindful of the unheated church and chilling winds on the prairie, and pulled on the blouse and skirt. As she fastened the skirt, she noticed that it was on the loose side. She frowned as she donned the jacket. If her mother noticed the looseness of her clothing, Aurora would receive another verse of Carolyn's favorite lecture, "You're not eating right." Aurora was convinced that to her mother, she would always be 18 and a lousy judge of character. Oh, well. She finished buttoning up the jacket, and smoothed the collar and cuffs with their red and gray piping. Her uniform hat was in a different box, and she had to dig it out also. She hardly ever wore it, and the bag around it was slightly dusty. She pulled the hat out and put it on, then left the closet, and checked her reflection in the mirror. She changed the angle of her hat slightly and turned away. On the way out of the room, she picked her father's flag and took it with her.
Aurora found the other SilverHawks gathered in the kitchen, going over what Will kept referring to as the "game plan."
"So we keep her in the pocket," he was saying," and prevent the other team from blitzing her."
"What's going on now?" she asked as she came in and settled on one of the stools by the island.
"Will's explaining how we're supposed to keep you covered and away from the other officers and the General's council," Jonathan explained. "There's just one problem, Will. None of us outrank anyone out there. Any of them could order us to excuse them for a moment, and we'd have no choice but to go."
"Well," said Michael, "they can just take their durn orders and stick 'em-"
"Whoa, Cowboy," his wife interrupted. "Not exactly table talk, there. I think we get the idea. We might not like it, but an order is an order."
"This is a social event," said Emily. "Can they give us orders? What's the book say on this one?" All eyes turned to Aurora, known in the past for her ability to rattle off any regulation at any time.
"What?" she asked, looking around. "Geez, memorize a couple of pages, and your suddenly the font of all wisdom. Okay, Section 12, Paragraph 15, "All personnel are required to show respect and courtesy for superior officers at all times and in all situations, unless directed otherwise."
"Why would you be directed otherwise?" Krysten asked curiously.
"If you wanted permission to speak frankly, and what you wanted to say wasn't nice," Aurora explained.
"Why would your father put something like that in?" Emily asked.
"There's a story behind it. Essentially, my older sister threw a temper tantrum that day, and he had to reprimand her. He figured he'd write it in for the next group of 'youngsters' he'd have to deal with. Anyway, I don't want you guys to make a big scene for my sake. I'll just take whatever happens and make the best of it. Don't any of you risk your careers for me." She paused a moment. "I'm accepting the promotion to Commander, and they're going to announce it as part of the memorial, so please don't be shocked or appalled." She looked down at her watch. "We don't have much time. I'll see you guys out there." Everyone got up to leave. "Mike, Krys, will you two wait a moment?" They sat back down as the other's filed out quietly. When they were gone, Aurora spoke. "I didn't get a chance in all the confusion to congratulate you two on your marriage." Krys opened her mouth to thank Aurora, but Aurora held up here hand, stopping her. "What I say next may put us on the outs forever, so I wanted to get that said before you stop speaking to me. I know you have both gone over to inactive duty in Mojave, but I'm going to have to call you back in to serve in Limbo, which means armor, at least for you, Michael. I can bypass the order for you," she said to Krysten, "since your married and, I would presume, have some intention of having children. Orders are already being re-drawn now so when I go back, you go with me. I'm really sorry," she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly. "I need the best pilot I can get, and you're it."
Krysten grabbed Aurora and held her tight in a forceful hug, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Look you," she said, her voice shaking, "you need us, we'll be there. *I* will be there." She pulled away, studying Aurora's pale face. "You 're my best friend, Rorie. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it." Then she slid her hand into Michael's. "The only thing I ask is that Mike and I not be separated, not this soon into our marriage. We're a package deal."
The Cowboy let go of Krys' hand and drew her close beside him, his arm around her shoulders. "Krys is right, Aurora. You're stuck with us." He grinned at Aurora. "Guess it'll be just like old times..."
Aurora smiled, wiping away tears of her own. "I swear I will find a way to make it up to you. You're the best comedy team I've ever known. How could I break up such a great team?" She dried her hands and straightened her hat which Krys had knocked askew in her zeal. "Let's get this high-priced cocktail party over with."
The memorial seemed interminable. It seemed to Aurora and the other SilverHawks that every officer from HQ had prepared remarks lasting anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and a half. Aurora's own speech, accepting her promotion and assignment, was short and to the point.
"I would like to thank everyone for their kind words today. You have all intended to make this difficult time easier, and for my friends and family, we are grateful. It is with great honor that I accept the decision of the General's council, naming me to take my father's place in the Limbo program, and here and now, I freely take up the burden he carried for much of his life. To our friends on Bedlama, I pledge the same level of safety the enjoyed with the late Commander. With the elite team of my father's personally trained troop, Limbo will continue to be a comfortable, happy place to live. Thank you." She made her way back to her seat to deafening applause and sank into it, shaking. She felt Krysten grip her hand, and squeezed back, breathing deeply to get control of her nerves. The service was breaking up, and people were moving toward the buffet tables set up at the bottom of the patio steps. Aurora found herself pushed into line, and handed a plate loaded with various delicacies, along with a glass of champagne. She looked around for something else to drink, but couldn't see a coffee urn anywhere. Before she could rid herself of the alcohol, a member of the General's council offered a toast to her father, and Aurora dutifully took a sip. The taste reminded her of her twenty-first birthday, when she and Steven had split a magnum of very expensive bubbly, then romped on the beach in Malibu until three in the morning. Then she remembered her twenty-fourth birthday, drinking sweet Spanish wine by the gobletful, and falling into bed with Starlight. She considered putting the drink down immediately, then paused. It wasn't likely that she would run into either of them here, and it did help warm her in the chill wind. She took another sip and felt welcome warmth flow into her fingers. She found herself chatting pleasantly with a group of mid-level officers, and almost forgot why she was here. But as other officers came by, offering their condolences, she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper into a dark hole. With a great effort, she got up, put her dishes on a side table, and escaped inside.
Jonathan saw her slip away, and followed her within. He caught up with her before she reached the stairs, and clasped her arm. "What happened?" he asked.
Aurora leaned her head on his chest, trying not to cry. "I just couldn't take it out there anymore. It's so awful, and I had to get away. Please don't make me go back."
Jonathan stroked her hair and thanked his lucky stars. She had leaned on him long ago, during her modification, and he had been waiting many years for her to trust him again. For so long, his one weak moment had stood like iron between them, but all that mattered now was her, here, wanting his strength. "Of course not. I'll tell them you're resting. It's all been too much for you today. Let me deal with the rest for you."
Aurora pulled away from him and shook her head. "I'm not going to rest. There's somewhere else I need to go before I go back to Limbo, and I don't want to go alone. Jonathan," she said, suddenly uncertain, "will you come with me?"
"I'd follow you to the ends of the earth," he said, smiling fondly at her. He turned toward the door. "Are we leaving right now?"
"Not exactly," she replied. "I'm going to change first, and I'd recommend you do the same. The place we're going is a little out of the way." She went upstairs, and he followed her. They parted outside her door. "Nothing too fancy, and be sure to bring a jacket. It's colder up in the hills," she said, then closed her door.
Returning to the room he was sharing with Will, Jonathan quickly stripped out of his dress uniform and put on a pair of khaki slacks, an old oxford button-down, and a pair of very used top-siders. It probably wasn't what Aurora'd had in mind, but it was about as casual as he could get. He grabbed an old sports jacket, and hoped that whatever Aurora's project was, it wouldn't take too long. He reached the end of his corridor, and turned to the left in to the hall outside Aurora's room. He moved past Krysten and Michael's door, and waited in front of Aurora's. She crept silently out a moment later, and Jonathan heart skipped a beat. She was wearing the tightest jeans he had ever seen anyone pour themselves into and a black leather jacket. He examined her slowly, from boots to her straight black hair pulled into a ponytail and was amazed. "You look different," he managed to get out. He could see the muscles in her legs move as she shifted her weight. "A lot different," he added lamely.
"That's the general idea. Let's get out of here before it gets too cold out there and the party moves indoors." She led the way stealthily down the stairs, picked some keys out of a box by the door, and they crept out through the kitchen into the garage.
Aurora tripped the automatic door mechanism, and breathed a silent sigh of relief. The driveway was empty. If it had been full of cars, this little ramble would be impossible. "Help me with this," she directed, lifting one corner of the drape laying over a car. Together they lifted it off to reveal Aurora's metallic black Ferrari Testarossa, still in perfect condition. Jonathan was stunned again.
"Where did you get that?" he breathed.
"It was a gift," she answered shortly. "We should get moving. I don't want to get caught out here like this. My mom may ground me again." She giggled, dangerously close to the edge of breaking down.
"Get a grip, Commander. We have a job to do."
The words were like cold water splashed in her face. She slid into the driver's seat and unlocked the other door. Jonathan opened the passenger door and sat down. The interior was buttery soft leather, dyed a rich maroon red, and Jonathan couldn't keep himself from stroking it. Aurora saw him do it and smiled.
"Be careful," she warned. "This car is a very jealous mistress. If you get too attached, she won't let you go, and you'll have no room for any other woman in your life."
"I'll always have room for one woman in particular," he bantered back.
Aurora's face turned serious. "This isn't the time for us to get into that." She turned the key, and seatbelts rolled back across them. The car purred gently as Aurora fed it a little gas. She shifted into reverse, and they rolled smoothly down to the street. She flipped on the lights in the gathering gloom, threw the car into gear, and they roared off into the night.
Jonathan looked around in the glare of the headlights. There wasn't much to see up here, aside from some dust, and plenty of tire tracks criss-crossing in all directions. When he asked, Aurora had told him that this was one of her favorite retreats during school, where "tough guys raced fast cars." Somehow, he didn't see her in this kind of setting, with guys and cars and...dirt. Maybe she had been talking about this all those years ago, the "steep dirt track at midnight." Now she was here again, and had the look, but for some reason, it didn't seem like she belonged.
Aurora felt separated from what she had come here looking for. Maybe it was her youth she expected to find, not really innocence, but just the chance to know what was locked in her heart. Like the fact that she would never see her daughter grow up. She knew by accepting her father's position, she would never have the chance to return to Starlight and that way of life. She walked to the edge of the ravine that had claimed Steven's life, and looked down. She could see a few rocks and brambles on the steep slopes, but the faint moonlight revealed nothing else. In a way, she was glad. Rescue climbers had declared the wreck of Steven's car unrecoverable, and when the light hit it right, it glittered like a cheap diamond waiting for a fool to grab. She could hear Jonathan ambling restlessly, but now she wasn't interested in his concerns. She sat down on the edge, feet dangling over, and started to ramble.
"Well, here I am, Sweetie. I came back to ask you to look after my dad. I got to meet him, you know. You were right. I needed to see him, to talk about how I felt, and it really helped. I wasn't so angry for a while. Then I started feeling restless and I-" she gulped back tears, "I met someone. He's so much like you it's not funny. I know I said after you died that there wouldn't be anyone else, but I couldn't keep going like that. I needed to love someone, and to let them love me. I hope you'll forgive me. You said after Amy died that I had to keep living. I hope that counts for you, too." She paused for a moment, trying to organize her thoughts. "Anyway, I'm going to take my father's place, so I'm losing a lot that's important to me, but I know he'll understand, because you would understand." She smiled. "He let me fight my own fights, though. And I know what it's like to kill someone. You don't ever get over it. You just have to go on anyway. And I have to go on now and see what's out there. I just wanted to say good-bye, beloved. And thank you." Aurora pulled on foot up to the edge of the canyon, preparing to get up. She started to rise, and felt the earth give way beneath her heel and screamed. "Jonathan!"
He was there in a shot, holding her wrist as she dangled above gorge. "I've got you, Baby. Don't look down. Give me your other hand." He grasped her other wrist as she brought it up. "Okay. You're going to be fine. I'm going to pull you up now. Try to dig in with your toes and help me, 'cause you're no feather anymore."
"Was that some kind of bad joke?" she asked through chattering teeth.
He had her almost all the way up now. "No. Just trying to distract you." He steadied her as she got to her feet. "Anything hurt?" he asked, trying to look for scratches in the glare of headlights. He unzipped her leather jacket and pulled it off to check for any gouges from the rocks, and almost lost his cool again. Under the jacket was a white tank top, obviously worn with nothing underneath. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him to keep her from seeing his face. "You're shivering," he whispered.
Aurora felt like she was underwater. Everything moved slowly around her, and her thoughts flew by at light speed. _I should have died. I would have fallen and fallen and there would have been nothing to stop me but the bottom, and - oh, God!_ She leaned against Jonathan, trying to get her shaking under control. "I didn't want to die," she blurted out, with no idea why.
"I know, I know. You're going to be okay." He tipped her face up to look at him. "What happened?"
"It gave way under my foot as I was getting up. I would have fallen to the bottom without you here to catch me. I was so scared."
"You know I wouldn't let you get hurt. I'm so sorry, Aurora. I drove you away, and I did Krysten a dreadful wrong; one that I can never make up to her or Michael. Please, dear heart, tell me you forgive me."
Aurora faced this last dark hole in her past with trepidation. If she let go of the anger, she would have to let him try to win her heart. But if he did win her heart, wouldn't she be happy? Wasn't that what she wanted, to be settled, to have a happy life? Maybe it was time to bury all of the ghosts in her past. "On one condition," she answered. "You will have to ask Krysten and Michael's forgiveness. Then you will have mine, regardless of what they say, because you tried to make it right. And this is to seal the bargain." She rose up on her toes and kissed him, wondering as she did if she would ever really feel anything again. As her mouth pressed against his, she knew somewhere deep down that she was being cruel. Jonathan could never occupy the same place in her life that Steven and Starlight had, and she had just given him permission to try. In a flash, she knew he would never be the one. She pulled away hastily. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done that." She fell back on the new standard response to strange behavior. "It's been a terrible day for me."
He stroked her hair again. "I know. Let's get you home before you catch a cold." He led her back to the car. They got in and drove away, as Aurora tried to leave her past behind her once again.
*THE END*
SilverHawks, Narnia characters, Labyrinth characters, Beauty and the Beast characters and Gargoyles characters are the properties of their respective owners, and are used without permission. These stories are not for sale, and no money is being made from them. Original stories are the property of Lady Moonhawke, as are any original characters. Krysten Barter (AKA Krysten Merino / Skyedansuer) is the property of Lady Razorsharp, and is used with permission.
Send comments to Lady MoonHawke