Kiss the Pain Away

By
Chajo and Lady MoonHawke


It was the night of the Gala when Will approached Zan. She was sitting at one of the tables, relaxing. She had seen the altercation between him and his sister but did not say anything. It wasn’t her place.

“May I join you?” Will asked as he got near the table, his jacket thrown over his shoulder.

“Sure, seat’s not taken” she said indicating the empty chair.

Will smiled and draped his jacket over the back before sitting. “I’ve heard though various sources that there is going to be a Cybernetics research facility opening soon here on New Eden.”

Zan nodded. “Yes. Part of Phoenix Medical. Or rather an new offshoot branch.”

“I’d like to stay and put in my resume for one of the opening positions,” he said, resting his elbows on the table in front of him.

She raised an eyebrow. “What prompted this? It’s not an easy field to work in,” she said as she leaned back, sipping her wine.

“My job is at a stand-still where I work currently. And I’d like to see the research that is being done go to what it was originally intend for. Not the Military projects that it is being put to use for currently.”

“I see. But what about your life on Earth? This would mean giving everything up and moving to another galaxy….” She started to chuckle softly. “Sorry. I forgot you did that once already, going from Earth to Limbo.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I did. This time I’m the one making the choice to move. I can have Emily pack everything up and ship it, then cancel the lease on my apartment.”

“Oh?  Somehow I pictured you two living in the same house. Hardly ever see one of you without the other somewhere about. Even while I was in Limbo, at least what I did see of you guys.” She sipped her wine again. “I tried for the most part to stay quiet.”

He shook his head. “She has her place I have…make that had, my place. We may be twins but we still have different taste in things.” He grimaced slightly as he got a rather nasty twinge from his sister.

“You ok?” she asked leaning forward in her chair.

“Yeah. Just Emily throwing a temper fit.” He reached up and rubbed his temples. “She’s rather upset that I’m staying. Can’t make up her mind. First she wants me to come then she wants me to leave.”  He said with a sigh then running his hands though his hair.  He heard the rustle of cloth as she stood up.

“She’ll come to her senses. Don’t worry about it. You’re welcome to stay here at Huntington as long as you need to or want to.” She paused and patted him on the shoulder. “Give her space and time and I’m sure she’ll come around. And while I would love to stay and chat, unfortunately,  I must be away or else my erstwhile keeper will decide it is his duty to see to my well being.”

“Your Grace.” A deep baritone voice sounded from the side. “It is time you retire. I do not wish to have Lady Kali on my case because you got drunk tonight and will have a hangover in the morning. Excuse me, make that afternoon, when you wake up”

Will looked up and up again as Kit approached on silent feet. His arms were resting at his sides casually and the hilts of his blades could be seen over his shoulders. Even here at the Gala it seemed he went armed.

“Will, have you met Kit? My keeper.” Zan chuckled at the look Kit gave her. “Pardon me, Master Kit Walker, Head of Security and my personal bodyguard.”

Kit looked him over a moment “Mr. Hart.”

Will stood up and held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Master Walker.”

Kit took the offered hand shook it once then let go. “Indeed.” He then turned to Zan. “Your Grace, do not make me carry you for you know I will do it.”  It was a serious tone yet with a hint of amusement.

“I should make you just for that,” she returned, arms crossed as she looked up at him.

“So be it then.” With that he swiftly moved, bending over and taking her up putting her over his shoulder to carry.

“Aack! Damnit Kit! Put me down!” She slapped her hand across his back as she was thrown over his shoulder. “’Night, Will, we can finish talking tomorrow when I get up.” She waved once then went back to her fussing at Kit, who just ignored it.

Will couldn’t help but laugh at the site. Here she was, the Duchess of the region, being thrown over  someone’s shoulder and carried off by someone that worked for her. “Good night, Zan,” he called before she was completely out the door. Shaking his head he took his jacket and slipped it on before heading out.

He didn’t get more then a few steps before another one of Emily’s ‘Temper Tantrums’ hit him like a bolt out of the blue. He was getting tired of this very fast. Doing something he rarely if ever did, he let his anger at her travel over their shared bond then mentally ‘Slammed the door’ in her face. He knew that if he was physically present she would start a fight. Either verbally or possibly physically, though he rarely fought back on either accounts.

He knew the basic layout of the castle, or at least how to get from the guest suite he and Emily shared to the dining room, the library and the ballroom. With a sigh, he rubbed the back of his neck and started walking. He wasn’t really going anywhere in particular, just staying away from his room long enough for Emily to fall asleep so he would have some peace when he returned. As he walked occasionally a servant would pass him by, stop and ask if he needed anything. He’d just shake his head and murmur a no thanks then walk on.

Somewhere around 3 or 4 am, he made it back to his room. Too tired to even care at the moment, he entered the bedroom and sat down on the edge of it. Shrugging out of his jacket he tossed it over the back of a nearby chair. Kicking his shoes off he just flopped back in the bed. To hell with anything else, he was too tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally just too tired to care. He took just long enough to crawl farther up on the bed before he rolled over and fell asleep.

He never heard Emily look in on him just before she left.


Some time around noon he finally woke up. Crawling out of the bed, he went to the bathroom to shower and change. Once again dressed and feeling better he headed down to the dinning room to see if lunch was being served or if he had missed it.

He paused in the door way looking over the people at the table. The entire RunningHorse Clan was taking up just over half the table. Jon and his wife Saoirse were there, along with their attorney, Anthony Chandler.  Mike, Krys and their kids were there also. So were most of Zan’s fledglings, at a table of their own. Lady Kali was supervising from the end of that table. Apparently he had made it before the meal was served.

A chorus of various greetings meet him as he took a seat in an empty chair. A few minutes after he sat the food was brought and was served. Will looked around again, frowning when he realized several people were missing. “Where’s Aurora, Steven and the kids? And where’s Emily?”

“Commander Landon and family left early this morning. Ms. Hart left before them, saying something about.. I quote, ‘Going home, like some people should’ end quote.” Mac said as he filled Will’s glass.

Will just sighed and reached up to rub his temple with a finger.

"What's going on, Will?" Jon asked.  "You guys never fight."

"You mean they never fight in public," Krys said, simultaneously wiping jelly off little fingers and pointing out silverware.

"I'd rather not talk about it, if no one minds," Will said.

"Sure, Will, whatever you want," Mike said.  "Son, don't dunk your toast in your milk.  It's not polite."

Everyone left him alone after that, respecting his privacy on the matter.

In fact everyone seemed to be pretty quiet this afternoon, except for the RunningHorses, who were all chattering away in another language. One young man was standing off to the side, looking unhappy. When anyone asked him something he replied with either a terse grunt or in monosyllables.

About half way though the meal he looked up, the same as everyone else when there was a commotion at the door.

Zan entered the dining room with a slight limp. She was dressed casually in dark blue jeans and a matching turtleneck sweater. Her hair was pulled up in a top-knot style pony tail and braided, and it still hung down past her waist.

Kit followed after her with a decisively smug look on his face. His hands clasp behind his back.

“I still don’t see why you give me the first match of any sparing session Kit. We both know for a fact that you wipe the floor with me six was to Sunday there after. At least you could give me the satisfaction of the last round and not the first.”

“That is not the point, your Grace. You should learn from the mistakes made. How else will you learn the Way?” he countered.

She found her chair and sat rather gracelessly in it and grumbled. Then snagged an apple out of the bowl and threw it at Kit, fastball style.

He just laughed as he caught it with ease, then saluted her and took a bite.

The children all started to giggle, knowing the pair’s antics already.  The other guest did their best to cover up shocked expression, except for her family , who just laughed. She rubbed a temple and sighed.

“Good afternoon, your Grace” Mac said in greeting as he set a small glass in front of her along with several folded packets. “I see Master Walker decided you had slept in late enough.”

“As usual Mac, your powers of observation are astounding,” she grumbled back, taking the packets and opening them. She dumped them into the glass then took the pitcher of orange juice and filled it. Taking a spoon she stirred the contents together. Looking up at her guest and their expressions, she asked, “What? Never seen a person with a hangover before?”

That broke the tension and everyone found it amusing then went back to eating.

“You’re not the only one, it seems” Mac commented, looking at David. “Need something for the headache?” he asked, offering him some headache powders.

"I'm NOT hung-over," David growled.

"Nope. He's in loooooove." Nathan crowed from down at his end of the table, which got him a slap on the back of his head from his sister, Melissa.

Another round of giggles came from the children’s table. Lady Kali just rapped her hand on the table and they quieted.

David set his cup down, scowling, and stormed out.

Will looked after the angry young man. "With who?"

"Aurora's daughter." Zan replied.

"She's like, 12!" he exclaimed.

"Not exactly."

"She was born in 1989.  I remember telling Aurora she was pregnant.  She looked like someone had just handed her a million dollars."

There were surreptitious glances at Jonathan, but he ignored them in favor of whispering something to Saoirse which made her laugh.

All though this Zan was just sunk down in her chair, munching an apple. Every time she shifted to put her leg over the arm, Kali sent a glare her direction. She sighed again, propping her chin on her fist, listening to the conversations around the table.

"Will, you saw Adryanna last night at the party.  She is definitely not 12," Krys pointed out.  "Anyway, that's neither here nor there."

The group on the end was finishing up. One by one they got up and headed in Zan’s direction. She sat up a little straighter as they approached. They gave her either a hug or a kiss on the cheek in parting. They had to leave today to get back to their own work.

James and Jennie were among the last to depart. “Well, Limbo and the courier service waits for no one. I’ll keep you updated on events. Zan. Take care.”

“All right. Take care out there. And Jennie, be careful. I want to see your kids after they are born.” Zan said with a smile.

"We’ll call you and let you know who won," she replied.

“You do that. I have a pair of pair of breeding Morgans riding on this bet!”

"Try not to annoy Merrill too much,” Jon put in.  “He has his mother's patience, but it's not endless."

Raven just laughed. "Don't worry, I keep things quiet inside the limit. But once outside of it, all's fair game."

"Don't let Aurora ever hear you say that," Saoirse said.  "She seems to have a new pet project, extending the SilverHawks range."

"If it will help the kids out there then I'm all for it. But the adults are always fair game"

"A certain amount of law and order can't hurt," Krys said.  "Even if it's not popular."

"Unless no one was introduced, that is James 'Raven’ RunningHorse. AKA The Ghost of Limbo. He took over from me." Zan pointed out as he waved and left, following after Jennie. "Be glad his twin lives here on New Eden. They are the original tricksters. Raven and Coyote."

The elder Lisa, hanging just inside the dining room, sighed.  “How like you, Zan to leave introductions till people are leaving.  I hoped I'd done better."

“I was busy last night. Besides, I thought he’d pick Jon’s brains about the new Hawks out there.”

"Nah," James said with a wave.  "That would make it too easy,  No fun."

“Well at least I know things are in good hands out there.” Turning to glance at Jon. “If you ever need information on something that happened out there let me know. I’m sure I’ll get all the gossip and details from Raven.”

"Thanks, but I've given it up."

Beside him, Saoirse snorted softly.

"What?  I have."

"Until something else happens.  We'll see..."

Zan just chuckles and slouches back down in the seat. A sigh of exasperation could be heard coming from the children’s table.

“You know my dear lovely Wife, that it is a head to head battle with one of the most stubborn women I know. You have been at it for the last 5 years now. Will you give up?” Mac said to Kali as he made his rounds of the table again.

“Never. And I can be just as stubborn!” she replied.

“I hear that.” Kit said that from his position over to one side of the room.

“Stay out of it Kit.” Zan returned.

“Want another sparing session, your Grace?” he replied smoothly.

She just muttered some very un-lady like words.

“And I heard that your Grace.” Lady Kali said.

“It’s a conspiracy. Do you hear me? A conspiracy I say!”

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me," Krys said with a laugh.

"’They're coming to take me away, hah hah,'"  Will said.

Zan arched an eyebrow and was about to say something then decided against it. But she did smile.

After everyone was finished with the meal, they slowly drifted out. The children had long since departed for an afternoon play, snow ball fights being the top of the list.



Zan stood leaning on the balcony railing overlooking the courtyard below, wrapped in a heavy fur coat against the cold.

It was funny watching grown adults acting like kids. By mutual consent the kids had ganged up on the adults. Mike, Krys, Jon and Saoirse were defending themselves in a snow fort as the kids laid siege. With Jason leading the group, even with all their experience the adults were hard pressed to keep the kids out.

She had just lit a cigarette when she heard someone join her.

“You know smoking is bad for you.”

“Not you too, Will.”

“Not me too what?” he asked, leaning against the railing next to her.

“About my smoking habit. I know it’s not good, but it’s relaxing.” She shook her head with a smile.

He let the subject of smoking drop and switched to another. “They don’t stand a chance, do they?”

“Who, Jon and them? Not a one. And most definitely not with Jason commanding the attackers.”

“Hehe, yeah I see that.” Will chuckled.

Mac joined them once, bringing hot cocoa to the pair as servants took some down to the others.

Zan glanced slyly at Will then gathered a hand full of snow that had fallen. With a nicely aimed toss, it went landed on the back of his neck.

“Agh! That’s cold!” he yelped, straightening up and causing it to slide down the back of his coat.

She just laughed and took off to join the others below.

“This means war!” he called after her. The chase was on.

The rest of that day was spent amidst pleasant company and laughter.

-----

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. The children were back in school once the holiday session was over. Zan had arranged for Will to meet Dr. Franklin Lonergan, Head of Experimental Medicine at Phoenix Medical in his second week there. They hit it off well enough that Will was made head of the Cybernetics Division almost immediately.

He was also getting to know Zan a little better. He found that she had a good sense of humor, rarely stood on ceremony when it came to her rank, so much so that Lady Kali was always trying to correct her on something. On a few occasions when he had chanced upon her in the gym, she was sparing with Kit, either in unarmed combat or with blades, which surprised him. He didn’t realize she knew either. After watching her, he decided she was good.

He even tried a spar or two with Kit, and wound up in the same position as Zan had, getting trounced completely. He had a very healthy respect for Kit after that. It also improved his standing in Kit’s book, it seemed. Will found that Kit had a dry sense of humor, at times his words could cut just as scathingly as his blades, and that he meant what he said.

On the days he was off he got to know the children under Zan’s care better. Sports seemed to be big as an after school activity. With it being winter, ice skating was the top of the list. One evening at dinner, Zan even asked if he would like to take up the position of un-official sports coordinator.


“Will, you were big on sports growing up, weren’t you?”

“Hm? Yeah, played them all at one point or another. Though I preferred football and ice hockey the most,” he replied.

“Would you be willing to take up the extra duty of keeping the kids active? Winter is not my best season and I’m hard pressed to keep up with them,” she said with a smile.

Several calls of denial came from the kids at the other end. They all knew she could keep up with them.

“That’s not true, Mama Zan.”

“Yeah, your out there on the ice as much as we are.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Ah, but what if you had someone that knew more about sports then I do?” she asked.

The all exchanged looks, then started talking softly amongst themselves.

Will leaned over to speak with Zan softly. “You always let them debate amongst themselves?”

“Yes. It improves their skills involving cooperation. You’ve seen the evening games around here. Each and every one of those children have potential to become someone people will sit up and take notice. Jason will go into the military, but not space side. Mark my words, Will. You’ll see.”

“Jason is Jon’s son, isn’t he? The one you made your heir?” He raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t heard the entire story, just bits and pieces.

“Aye. That he is, on both accounts. All the others have no parents, or rather had none that cared for them when I brought them here.”

Will nodded. “You love those children.”  It was a statement, not a question.

She just smiled in reply. She turned back to the children when she noted they were politely waiting. “Yes?”

“Okay. We’ll accept.” Jason said, being the official leader of the group even though he wasn’t the oldest.

“Good. And try not to scare him off.”  She chuckled.

“Should I worry?” Will asked, raising an eyebrow slightly.

“Only about Ian’s slap shot, it’s devastating. Mac got tired of having to replace the first floor windows so he had shatter-proof glass installed the last time.”

Will just glanced down the table to where Ian sat, blushing. “I’m not that bad…..”

The entire table erupted in laughter.

Will started to turn to go back eating when he noticed Gypsy watching him. He got a sense of jealousy from the young feline. Jealousy aimed at him anytime he was near Zan. He was going to have to do something to keep things from getting out of hand. But for now he just tilted his head slightly raising an eyebrow a fraction. He got the message though it seems when Gypsy flicked an ear and went back to eating.

Zan looked at Will arching an eyebrow. He just shook his head. She shrugged and the meal continued.

-----

Will had settled into his office nicely within the first couple of days he was there. He got along well with his secretary, Katie. He also got along surprisingly well with those working under him. Besides the Sentroid project that he brought with him, he was also given, by Dr. Lonergan himself, a case that involved a patient with extensive cybernetics. When he saw the name of the patient he had quite honestly been shocked. He knew from various comments he had overheard from a couple of his former teammates and the one room at the palace that she had been in the military, but he didn’t realize that she had been injured. To such an extensive degree at that.

“The Duchess?” Will had asked.

Dr. Lonergan just nodded slightly. “Though her personal case is not amongst the reasons Her Grace wanted to create the Cybernetics division. She stated that clearly to me when we discussed it during the fall of last year. Her Grace understands the possibilities of cybernetics in the medical field and wishes to see it developed to its full potential.”

“I hear that.” He agreed whole heartedly about its use in the medical field. After all, that was what it was originally developed for.

It was a week and a half later when he received a package from Carolyn Stargazer. It was a sample of the latest advancement that NexTech had made. He knew what it was when he looked at it. The message that came with it just confirmed it.  As he studied the object in front of him, his mind went over what he had read and of possible uses, his intercom buzzed. “Yes?”

“Mr. Hart? Dr. Lonergan is on line one.”

“Thank you, Katie” he said as he set down the small rod and picked up the phone. “Good morning Dr. L. what can I do for you?”

“Morning, Will. Just wanted to call and let you know everything has been canceled for the day. There’s a winter storm brewing so everyone is being sent home. We should be able to resume the normal schedule in about two to three days. From the reports coming in, this is just  a small one.”

“All right. Thanks, Dr. L.”

“Not a problem, Will. See you when we get back.” With that he hung up.

Setting the phone down he touched the intercom button. “Katie? Inform everyone that we’re closing for a storm and to head home immediately.”

“Right away, Mr. Hart. And you had best be getting home yourself sir. Her Grace’s Seneschal already called to say a ride was on its way.”

“I will be Katie, and thanks.” He chuckled and started packing away everything and closing up for the day.

He could hear the soft chime of a building wide announcement faintly as he gathered his briefcase and coat heading out of his office. Katie was in the process of shutting everything down also. She smiled and waved goodbye as he left.

When he left the building he was amazed at how much the temperature had dropped in the two hours he had been here. He was use to the winters in Vancouver but this was worse. A light snowfall was already in progress. As he glanced up to the sky he could see the clouds slowly rolling in from the north west.

There were already a large gathering of people, apparently waiting on rides. They seemed to be in small groups.

“This one will only be a mild storm,” one said.

“Hmmm.. yeah. Not like the one just before Christmas. That was a killer storm. Thankfully Her Grace got all the outlying ‘Steaders warned and undercover before it hit.”

“The Storm Riders are an amazing group. To volunteer to go out in that type of weather.” The speaker shook her head.  “And you know the Duchess is at the head of the Teams. She’s saved countless lives that second year after she arrived permanently. And ever year since she rides with them. That was the worse storm in recoded history here at Huntington. It wasn’t even listed as a category from what I heard.”

“Get out of here. It was a 5. I should know I got stuck in it on the way back from my parents place. There have been worse, just no one around to record them,” said a young man. “If it hadn’t been for Her Grace I’d have been a frozen popsicle and no one would have found me for at least a month… Well gotta go, the ride heading in my direction is here.” With that he left giving everyone a wave of goodbye as he and several others piled into a sleigh.

There were in fact a large number of sleighs arriving. Each one stopped long enough for a small group to climb in then it took off. As Will waited for his own ride he watched the  snow fall thicken from a light patchy flurry to a constant steady fall.

“Mr. Hart!” someone called.

Will glanced around and spotted a small 2 person sleigh painted in the colors of the Fife and with the Ducal seal blazoned on its side arrive. The driver waved as he stopped and waited for Will to get in, throwing the lap cover over him as he did. The ride home was silent except for the chiming of the harness bells. Will watched the stores they passed closing storm shutters and people going about getting last minute preparations finished.

They arrived at the Palace, but instead of stopping at the front, they continued on to the side and the stables. Stable hands came out to take care of everything as Will climbed out of the sleigh. He could feel the tension coming from a large gathering from inside. Deciding to see what was going on, he entered through the side door.

Horses were being saddled then lead away to a open area. He spotted the group gathered. They were all standing about in a circle listening to final instructions.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, you have your assignment. Check your gear and make sure you get one last cup of something hot to drink. This storm is a small one but I’m not taking chances. Dismissed.”

When the people parted he spotted Zan in the middle, dressed in heavy winter gear.

He knew he wanted to see the effects of the weather on her so that he could get a better idea about the project he had in mind but this was a bit much. He could already feel how the weather was effecting her. It was like someone had placed ice cold hands down his back.

“Your not going out in this weather are you?” he asked, disbelieving what he was seeing.

“Yes.” It was a simple statement as she sat down on a bale of hay and let Lady Kali put her hair up. “I have a duty to attend to. I won’t be gone long. About 6 hours or so.”

"6 Hours? In this weather? You shouldn't be going at all.  That weather is NOT good for you." He said, frowning.

"I have a responsibility to my stead holders. Half of them have no way of knowing when a storm brews up. And I will not neglect them" She said in an exasperated tone.
 
"I'm not saying neglect them.  I'm saying let someone else do the job.  Delegate authority.  You don't have to do everything for yourself every time." He set his briefcase down and crossed his arms. He could be just as stubborn as she was.

"Most of those beyond the city won't take it serious if I’m not there. I lost to many people the first year because of that. If I'm not out there then they die," she countered.  She stood and stomped her feet to settle them into the heavy fur boots.

Mac and Kali just exchanged looks. He nodded to her questioning look and she smiled as she left. Once back in the main building she had the nearest servant go and fetch a set of heavy winter gear that would fit Will. They were lucky that there was enough guards close enough in size as Will that they did have extra.

Back in the stable the argument between two equally stubborn people continued.

"Then I'm going with you, and they're going to learn that if I say move it, they'd better listen.  I can't see you blithely exposing yourself to this danger year after year." As someone in the medical field, he just could not stand to see someone take so many chance and risk that she seemed to take.

"I've been doing it for years Will. Nothing has happened yet, gods forefend anything happening this time either. Fine, your choice. But I hope like hell you don’t regret your words because I can’t spare anyone to escort you back."

"I haven't regretted anything I've said yet.  I don’t intend to start now."

"Hope you know how to ride a horseback because this weather plays merry hell with everything else," she told him.

“I'll figure it out as I go.  Are we done arguing now?"

Zan rolled her eyes, throwing up her hands and stalked off to check her gear. As she did she turned to the Master Stable Hand. “Jake, get IronFoot’s stable mate, IronHide, saddled up. We got an extra party member it seems.”

“Yes Ma’am!” Jake called as he went to retrieve the mare and saddle her up.

"15 Minutes Will, no more then that and I'm leaving. If you can’t make it back to the stables then you’re out of luck," she called back.

He just grinned, picked up his briefcase, and started to head for the tunnel that lead to the main building when Lady Kali intercepted him. She had a rather large bundle in her arms. “Here. You can change in there.” She nodded to a small room of to the side. “Do you need a hand with anything?”

He blushed slightly. “Um.. No ma’am. I think I can manage.” He took the bundle and entered the room. He closed the door and proceeded to change. As he did so, he spoke loud enough to be heard though the door. “Lady Kali?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you helping?”

“Helping you beat her deadline or helping as in working as head governess?”

“The first.”

“Lets see…Because your as stubborn and as bull-headed as Her Grace. You stand up to her and don’t let her intimidate you, that happens more often then not due to her history here, She likes you enough to argue back. If she didn’t she would not have said a word, just had some of the guards remove you. Do you need anymore reasons?”

He chuckled as he listened to her list the reasons. “No, Ma’am.” He opened the door and stepped out, fully dressed for what lay ahead of him.

Lady Kali looked him over with a critical eye then made a small adjustment here and there. “There. That’s better. And with time to spare.” She had a small grin on her face. “Who did she assign you to ride?”

“Um.. IronHide I believe she said.” He watched as she rolled her eyes and sighed. “Why? Something wrong?”

“Oh no, She’s just being petty and childish. That’s all. IronHide is a very domineering and head strong horse. She tends to bully her stable mate any chance she gets. I’ll see that there are soaking salts as well as some liniment waiting on you in your room when you get back.”

“Sounds like my sister,” he muttered to himself.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, never mind it. Thank you,” he said as she turned and left, taking his briefcase and discarded clothes with her. He returned to the Stable with about 5 minutes to spare and was rewarded with a sour look from Zan. He just smiled in return. And a moment later was helped up into the saddle with a boost from a stable hand.

She grumbled some but other wise said not another word about it as she mounted up. Taking the reigns and looking them over one hand as she did. With practiced ease of someone that had been in a saddle since early childhood, she controlled her mount. “The horse used for the Storm Duty are trained for neck and knee. Half the time we can’t feel the reins so we use leg commands. It won’t matter how long you stay and whether or not you insist to come with me next time, you will learn to ride. No ifs, ands, or rumps about it.”

“I thought the saying was ‘Ifs ands or buts,’” he pointed out.

“No, it’s ‘Rumps’ here cause that is going to be the sorest part of you in the morning.” She smiled a bit on the feral side. “I’ll see to it.”

“You’re being childish and petty”

“And you’ve been talking to Kali.” She turned her horse and looked over the teams, who were also mounted up and waiting. “All right, you have your assignments. Remember, ‘Steaders first and foremost, if you have time, then the livestock.” She raised her arm and in a signal to the stable hands to open the doors. “Let’s ride!”

As soon as the doors were open enough to let a horse though they were on the move. Someone pulled a bugle out and let go several rounds of triple notes. Will had to grab hold of the saddle’s high front as IronHide took off after her stable mate. Gritting his teeth at the bone jarring pace, he flat refused to regret this decision of coming along.

‘Besides’, he kept reminding himself, ‘it’s relevant to my research to see the effect of the severe weather changes on her.’

The teams split and headed in their assigned directions.


The first two hours were hard riding. Once they got in their assigned area the team split in pairs and headed to the various homes and farms to warn everyone and be sure that all were accounted for.

It was just Will, Zan and the leader of this team, Nikita Ivonava, that made the ride to the last homestead.

Nikita rode up to the door and leaned over to pound on it before backing his horse away.

An older man stuck his head out the door and spoke. “Oui?  que voulez-vous?” [Yes? what do you want?]

“Est-ce que chacun est expliqué ici?” [Is everyone accounted for here?] Zan asked

Will was surprised that she knew French. But he came to the conclusion that there would be a lot of surprises in store for him in the future when dealing with her.

“Oui, chacun est bon sûr.” [Yes, everyone is safe.]

“C'est un orage doux, mais reste toujours sûr nous.” [Good. This is a mild storm, but still stay safe.]

“Merci votre grace! Bonne chasse et voyage sûr.”[ We will. Thank you your Grace! Good hunting and safe journey.]

“Mêmes à vous.”[ Same to you.]

With that the trio left to start heading back towards New Ziveu.

Will could feel the cold pain that radiated from Zan on the trip back. It was like someone had opened up his back and was pouring icy cold water down it. He couldn’t suppress the shivers it gave him.

“Regretting coming with me?” she asked as they rode side by side for a bit. Exhausting tinged her voice.

“No. And I still say this weather is not good for you.”

“Hellfires, Will, this weather isn’t good for anyone!”

"What these people need is some kind of early warning system that they'll trust not involving more people risking their lives."

"We're trying to get that in place, but until we can get some tech that isn’t effected by the sub-zero temperatures, we have to continue with the old fashioned ways. Right now all the cables and such are buried, but they don't run this far out"

"Hhmmmmm..."  The wheels in his head were audibly turning.

"I can hear the wheels grinding up there in that head of yours. Before you ask, we tried using the same relays used in space, because of the extreme cold. They didn’t work."

"I'll find something...this fall."

She leaned a little closer to him. “Truthfully, I say that the bandits that still infect the area are the cause, but I have yet to either catch them or even prove it though. And you did not hear this from me, but I have a feeling they are having help from a very high placed source outside of the Fife.”

"What do bandits get out of wreaking havoc on weather monitoring equipment?  Or are they just that bored?"

“Divide and concur. If they cut the people outside the city off from the city, they can take over the area easier. No one to report them to us.”

"What they need is a whole fleet of Tallyhawks."

“Don’t think that hasn’t come to mind. I tried to get Tallyhawk once in fact. The Grykats of the area managed to take out completely the first birds of prey we released here. Not a single one was left.”

"Maybe the trick is to modify the existing flying cats for service."

“Do you want to get up close and personal to a winged mountain lion? You’d have to get it when it’s a cub and hand rear it. I refuse to allow any hunting of that type because it would mean having to kill the parents.”

"That's exactly what would make these bandits think twice about interfering with them as well."  He sighed “I suppose I'll have to try some other ideas."

“Sorry, won’t have a kitten to play with till nature presents you one.” She just chuckled. Then winced as she shifted.

"If nature presents me with anything, I'm going to go looking for Mike and ask him what he snuck into my drink.  But the look on his face at the barber shop was worth a little public humiliation."

“Dare I ask?” arching an eyebrow.

"It was just a dumb bet.  The kind of thing men do when they get drunk.  Mike lost at my expense, so he had to get a mohawk right before the modifications."

She started to chuckle, her breath turning to white clouds before her. “I always wondered about that. Especially with him always playing country music.” She didn’t ask what his ‘expense’ was. If he wanted her to know he would have told her.

"Well he was already called Cowboy by a few people, so we went for the most anti-cowboy thing three drunk guys could come up with.  Our imaginations weren't very good at that moment.  Jon would have ended up with a tattoo."

“I’m sorry, I just can’t see someone as straight laced and anal as Jon with a tattoo. What would it have been if he had lost?” she reached into a pocket and pulled out a small flask. After taking a sip she offered it to him.

"We never got that far.  Drunk, remember?  But Jon was stiff in those days.  Every other sentence out of his mouth started 'My father, the Captain, says...'  And the Captain had ideas about officers and tattoos.  Fine for enlisted men, but," he cleared his throat, then produced a credible imitation of Jonathan, "'an officer needs to set a certain standard in habit and decorum.'"

“Oy! Has he lightened up any since then? I can’t tell. Not enough experience in dealing with him.”

"He doesn't quote his father anymore.  Does that count?"

“I suppose.” Shaking her head as she chuckled again. “Tell me about the rest of them. I was limited to dealing with Aurora at the time and then it was only that one chance meeting.” She was indeed interested. And it kept her mind off other things, like how much pain she was in. Even as thickly bundled as she was, the cold managed to claw its way into her bones.

"Krys was like a little sister, to me.  You wanted to watch out for her, to hug her when she cried.  There was never any sense of artifice or fakery about her.  I'd say she was shallow, but it went straight to the core.  She was exactly what you saw on the outside.  Mike's the same way.  He looks, walks and talks good-old-country boy who love to fly like a bird.  They're perfect for each other. The Commander was everyone's father at one time or another.  He dished out reward and punishment with equal care, and equal regard for what was right.  It kept Jon and Krys from being booted.  Honestly, and it's not what Aurora would say, they were equally to blame for what happened.  The Commander knew that, and he did his best to get everyone past it and moved on. Jon was dedicated to the job, 100%.  He saw the whole thing laid out before him.  He'd serve as Lieutenant, then be promoted to Commander and run the station with the old iron fist in a velvet glove. I don't know that any of us tried to get as close to the 'Kidd as we should have.  He and Mike were friends, so Mike may be a better person to ask.  I know he would go out on a limb when he thought something needed to be fixed. And Aurora.  You met Aurora after.  That's how we thought of her.  Aurora Before and Aurora After.  She was as cold as Jonathan when she first arrived.  We were in the middle of a crisis, Krys and Mike in trouble, and her suggestion was to requisition new crewmembers.  She was warming up, but everything seemed to make her sad.  Then Starlight came into the picture, or Steven, or whoever he was.  I don't really understand.  And she just left.. like she woke up in the morning with a different personality, and it wasn't staying in some sterile orbital station. What's funny is that, once she got back, she was even angrier, somehow.  And it showed, all of the sudden.  She went from ice cold to blazing hot.  Then the General came up for that inspection, and she was gone again.  The whole project was almost incidental to her, something to take up her time while she waited, even if she didn't know it.”

That was the longest speech she had heard out of him. Ever. “And your sister?”

"Emily."  He sighed.  "She was in love or something with Bluegrass, and Krys was a thorn in her side.  Have you ever thought that you knew someone, then looked back years later and said 'Who was that person, really?'  Because now that I think about it, I don't know if I ever knew her.  If I did, I'd know where she is and what she's doing, right?  I'd understand what she's going through, and I don't know the first thing.  Not anymore."

“It sounds like it was interesting times then. Children grow. Give her time to grow up. You did from the sounds of it. Now it's her turn and she can't hide from it. As for my past.....Can't say much about it. Managed to get forged papers and joined when I was 16. Learned to fly. Gave me a sense of freedom." She took another sip of the liquid in the flask. "Got assigned to the same squadron as my adoptive uncle,  then came to New Eden to take care of some pirate problems... couple of years later, Bam! I'm a Duchess." She snorted slightly.

They rode on in silence after that. The only sounds were those of the harnesses jingling, the creak of the snow under the horses hooves and the soft conversations of the riders behind them.

“What are you drinking?” he finally asked her.

“It’s Sturmfeuerweinbrand”

“Strum..what?”

“Sturmfeuerweinbrand. Translates from German to Storm Fire Brandy. Basically take the best flavored brandy you can find, well aged of course, in my case it's either apple or strawberry depending on the day, then freeze it and remove the ice. What's left is potent let me tell you! Are you sure you don’t want a sip?”

“Alcohol just dilates the blood vessels and makes your temperature go down,” he pointed out.

“Maybe so, but it warms you up on the inside. Besides there’s less then a cup in this thing. Not enough to really do much more then relax you.”

“Er.. No thanks just the same.”

She shrugged as if to say ‘your loss.’

The rest of the trip back was quiet. Only the thickening of the storm. It  was close to seven hours later when Zan and the Storm Riders returned. It was one of the reasons she had such a dedicated following. She never asked anyone to do anything she was not willing to do herself.


As Will entered the warmth of the stables he couldn’t suppress a groan of relief. He watched a moment as the others around him were dismounting, ten did the same. Only when he swung his leg over the saddle he hissed at the pain he felt in his backside. He was able to stand at least when his feet touched the ground.

“First time out in a storm?” someone asked.

“Yeah and the first time riding a horse,” he admitted, wincing as he straightened up. He started to work his gloves off and flex his fingers when he noted that Zan was still mounted.

“And she had you on IronHide?” ask another of the riders.

He nodded.

He got a lot of looks at that. A mix of sympathy, amusement, and admiration. A couple of the riders even patted him on the shoulder as they passed him.

A stable hand took IronHide away before he could say anything. Another handed him a cup of some steaming liquid. “Careful, it was just brewed.”

He nodded and wrapped his hands about the mug. They felt like they were frozen. He watched as Mac arrived with a mug of something and waited as Zan slid out of the saddle, balancing carefully on her right leg, grimacing as she did.

“Thanks Mac,” he heard her say softly. “Have someone get my bath ready. I plan on a long soak to warm up with.”

“I will.” With that, Mac left.

As she started to limp out of the stables she paused next to Will. “Not bad for a virgin in the saddle. Best go soak a while. Knowing Kali, there will be some herbs and salts waiting on you along with some liniment.” She didn’t notice his blush at the word ‘virgin.’ With a tired wave she was gone from view.

Will blinked several times as he noticed there were only the stable hands left. Looking down into the cup he held, he noted it was cool enough to drink. So he left, sipping as he headed to his room. It was overly sweet and with an underlying lemony taste. But he did feel somewhat better after he finished it.

In his room he headed for the bath, stripping out of the gear as he did. On the counter there was a bottle, a small bowl filled with what looked like salt and some herbs, and a note.


W.H.
Take a long soak, not a shower. Plenty of hot water. Set the tub heater controls and it will stay hot for a very long time.


With a sigh he started the bath, setting the heater controls. When the tub was half full he dumped the contents of the bowl into the swirling water then finished undressing. He climbed into the tub. Normally he’d just shower since not many bathtubs were designed big enough for someone his size. But not this tub. He could stretch out completely and still not touch the opposite end with his foot.

He was up to his chin in hot water that night. Quite literally.

-----

The next day passed quietly as the storm raged outside the thick walls. He took advantage of it by retreating to one of the studies to start work on the his project.

Servants brought him his supper there, along with plenty to drink. Every now and then Mac would look in to check on him. It was past midnight the last time he did.

Zan was in bed reading when Mac came in. “Something wrong?”

“No, no. Just wanted to let you know Will is still up and in the study. Burning the Midnight oil as it were.”

She sighed and closed the book rubbing her eyes. “Get my robe please.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Check on him.” She slipped her arms into it and belted it closed as she slid out of the bed. With that she left for the study.


Will looked up when the study door opened. "I thought you'd gone to bed already," he said, frowning a little.

Zan shut the door quietly behind her. "I had. Mac came up to tell me you were still awake."

He frowned even more. "I didn't want him to do that."

"You won't get him to change, Will. He has standing orders to let me know when one of my guests needs something."

"What I need is to have some peace." He watched her face fall and hastily back tracked. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about this presentation." He rested a hand behind his neck, stretching a shoulder. "Here," he said, sliding something out of an envelope and handing it to her. "Feel this. Carolyn sent it to me. She thought I might like it."

Zan frowned a little herself. "Carolyn?"

"Stargazer. Aurora's mother. She's the R-D VP of NexTech. This is their latest project."

She studied the metal rod. "What is it?"

"Argentium Mark IV." Seeing her confused look, he continued. "Argentium I was what the UESC used for the original mods. The Commander, Condor, Hotwing and the rest of the team. Krys was the last 'Hawk done with the original alloy. Aurora was the first modified with Argentium II. I used Mark III to do the modifications to Sentroid. That is the latest model."

Zan felt it warm quickly in her hand. "What can they do with it?"

"That's what I'm working on. You know that the original was intended for medical use, right?"

"Better than most. Flexible exoskeleton."

"Yeah. And it can provide a pressure environment when sealed. Carolyn wants to get back to more strictly medical uses. I'm supposed to find a test protocol."

She looked sympathetic. "Nothing's coming to mind?"

"Not exactly. I have a possibility in mind," he admitted, "but I have to be sure nothing could go wrong before I approach the subject."

"What are you going to try?"

"Endoskeletal and neural replacement for a severe trauma victim."

Zan whistled low, the cylinder of Argentium gripped tight in her hand. "How will you tackle the neural connections?"

"Hand me that back." She did, and he replaced it with an anodized-yellow disk, slightly larger around than a quarter and as thick as two together. "That was Aurora's neural transceiver. It linked to the Argentium II armor through the BodyWeb and some wiring here." He slid a hand behind her neck and caressed the spot where vertebrae met skull.
Zan shivered a little but held her ground. Finally, Will dropped his hand and took back the disk, replacing it with a smaller one, no bigger than a dime. "This is the newest version. It goes in wherever the metal and bone structures meet. It will seamlessly translate the neural impulses into electrons for the wiring in the new structures."

Zan handed it back. "Does it work?"

"Still have to do some final testing." He carefully closed it in a static-free box. "It's a little sensitive right now to free-floating electrons." He stretched, then grimaced, pain etched on his face.

She slipped around behind him, hands rubbing his shoulders. "How long have you been working? Your muscles feel like stones."

He let his head drop forward as her thumbs pressed against his neck. "I don't remember, to be honest. What day is it?"

"If you have to ask, then the answer is too long." She felt stiff ridges under her fingers and peeled back the collar of his shirt. "What's going on back here?"

He stood up suddenly. "It's nothing. Just..." He sighed. "Here. I'll show you." He rolled up the sleeves, exposing a network of scars wrapping around his forearm. He pulled back his left cuff as well, showing the scars that ringed his wrist.

Zan traced the, with gentle fingers, half-afraid he would run away. "What happened?"

"Modification," he said simply. "The original neural connections had to be made muscle group by muscle group. And the lasers were implants as well. Krysten and Aurora had their scars cleaned up with surgery. I guess I just never bothered." He shrugged. "I never though they'd cause problems."

Zan backed up a step, giving him room. "If you want to talk about it, I'll listen," she offered, mindful that he hated to be asked about his past.

"The girl I was working on the Sentroid project with, Madeleine. She was blind, so she didn't see them at first. Then we were at a fair one night, and I asked her to dance. When she felt them, she asked, and I explained that I'd been in the military. She blew up, said I'd lied, I'd abused her trust, I was using the whole enhanced service animal project to help the military control the populations of innocent countries.... Any and every terrible thing done by the military was heaped at my feet. The she tore out of the tent and into the street."

Zan closed her eyes, imaging clearly enough the outcome. "I understand." She slid up the sleeves of her robe, revealing a jagged array of healed knife wounds, none so neat or smooth as Will's. "War leaves no one unscathed."

"You're not completely disgusted?"

She shook her head. "No. Not at all." She took a deep breath. "Is there more you want to show me?"

He turned and pulled his shirt off over his head, laying bare a roadmap of fine white lines laying out muscles and bones. Zan touched his gently and he flinched.

"Do they hurt?" she asked

"Sometimes." He turned around to face her again. "When I've been sitting too much, they tighten up. Then when I move, they pull. I can tell when I've been on the bench too long. Instead of strained muscles, I get strained skin."

"I know that feeling." She turned away and loosened her robe and let it slide down, revealing her shoulders, criss-crossed with old whip scars, more knife wounds and bite marks. She felt his hands hover warm over them, but he didn't touch.

"War?" he asked.

"Yeah." She shrugged the robe back on and belted it closed. "Sucks to be a POW, too." She blinked rapidly, fighting tears. She wouldn't cry. She had nothing to cry about. She was alive, damnit. It would take a lot more than some unpleasant memories to break her. "Listen, I know something that might help. Not to sound cliché or anything, but why
don't you slip into something more comfortable and come up to my room?"

He studied her carefully for signs of teasing, but there were no shadows in her blue-gray eyes. "Okay," he found himself saying. He didn't know when he'd decided, but whatever happened, he was going to follow it through.

After he agreed she nodded and left, returning to her room to prepare things. Her rooms was actually a suite of rooms. The sitting room was the first. Large enough for the two couches and a recliner. There was a small, compared to the others in the Palace, entertainment center. Just a vid screen, a couple of vid players, a game consul and a stereo. Two doors lead off from the main room. One went to her bedroom, the other to her private study and work room.

Going to the left hand door she entered her study. Looking over the contents on the shelves of the book case, she pulled down several jars. The first was a special blend of an herbal lotion, the second was a jar of herbal tea. Like everything else in the room, these two items were made by her in her spare time. Taking both bottles, she et them in a warming tray, added in a couple cans of the fuel used with the warming tray, and a teapot with matching cups. Once back in the sitting room she set everything up.

The teapot was filled with water then the herbs were wrapped in a piece of cloth and added to it. The warming pan had also been filled with water and the lotion was set in it to warm up.

Once everything was prepared she moved to the entertainment center and removed the CD changer. Going though her collection of music she started reloading it. She was almost finished when she heard a knock on her door. “Enter” she called out, it had to be Will since both Mac and Kali entered without knocking.

The door opened and Will glanced around it before entering. He then closed it softly behind him. When she had said change into something comfortable, he did just that. The outfit was just a pair of soft gray sweatpants and a pull over t-shirt.

She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled softly. “Go ahead and pick a couch.” Then she turned back to load the CD changer back into the stereo and hit random play. “There’s one more thing I need to get. I’ll be right back.” With that she headed into the left hand door.

As he looked about he noted that the one door that was open, lead into a room with book shelves. The end of a desk could be seen so he figured that it was her private study and the door that was closed led to her bedroom. The walls of this room were covered in both small wall hangings and pictures. As he passed the recliner he noted a basket of yarn and several large completed squares, glancing at the couches he saw both had afghans, in warm muted colors, thrown over the backs. He chuckled softly to himself cause he could not picture Zan being the type to sit still long enough to either knit or crochet. As he sat down on one of the couches he was startled when he sank down quite a bit. It was a struggle just to get up again.

“Sorry, I should have warned you about the fact those couches likes to eat people.” She said as she returned carrying a jar of honey. “The kids and I refuse to get rid of them even though Mac threatens to do just that.”

“I can see why,” he said as he gingerly sat back down, this time closer to the edge.

She perched on the edge and poured two cups of tea. To hers she added a good dollop of honey. Glancing at him she arched an eyebrow and indicated the jar. He nodded and she put a dollop into his tea also. Setting the jar down she handed him his cup. The tea was still hot, but soothing and with a hint of both mint and raspberry.

Seeing his expression she chuckled softly. “Chamomile, Catnip, Raspberry and Mint,” she said. “The first two are good for relaxing a person, the last two are for flavor.”

He sipped cautiously at first. The blend was strange, but soon enough he found himself enjoying it. Enough so that he asked for a second cup. “You know a lot about herbs and plants,” he said.

“I’m a herbalist on the side. I find that the natural medicines works better then the newest stuff that’s out these days.”

“Oh.” He nodded, feeling himself start to relax.

When she felt the time was right she took both cups and set them on the table. “Why don’t you go ahead and stretch out. I have some lotion that may help some,” she said as she got up with practiced ease.

He hesitated for just a moment but nodded and got up himself. Pulling his t-shirt over his head he winced as the scars pulled tight. Draping his shirt over one of the arms he then laid down. It was a nice surprise when he realized that the couch was large enough to fit even him.

While Will was settling himself, Zan was rolling up the sleeves of her robe. Once he was settled she sat down on the edge next to him. She reached over and dipped her hands into the warm water then dried them off on the edge of her robe. Nothing worse the cold hands. Taking the jar of lotion she opened it and poured some out into her palm. “Sorry if it’s a little on the cool side.” With that she rubbed her hands together then proceeded to run them up his back.

He managed to keep from flinching away from her too badly. “Cool is not the word for it.”

“Sorry, My hands seem to always be cold at this time of year. Tried to warm them up some but I see it didn’t work”

“No.. No.. it’s okay, just unexpected. That’s all.” Wincing, as it seemed that she managed to find all the sorest or most sensitive places along his back. Even with the music playing softly in the background, the silence was oppressive. “What’s in the lotion you using now?”

“Besides the purified tallow? Cinnamon, Marigold, Witch Hazel and White Willow. Numbs, heals, cleans and sooths.”

“Tallow?” he asked turning his head so that he could watch her over his shoulder.

“Yep. Tallow. From a buffalo that was killed last fall,” she replied with a grin.

“Buffalo?”

“Is there an echo in here?”

“Maybe,” he chuckled, then drew in a sharp breath as she hit another sore spot. This one was worse then the others.

“You really need to take a break. After this, do yourself a favor and get a little rest. That project of yours won’t be benefited if you work yourself into the ground.” She said leaning a little to reach his upper right shoulder, shifting her legs. When she did that, her robe slide down over her knee reveling the dark silver hued metal of the exoskeleton she wore. Unconsciously she reached down and twitched the material back over her leg.

He opened one eye when he felt her remove one hand. He thought that maybe she was getting more of that lotion, but when he saw the familiar metal along her leg, he wasn’t sure what to think. Yes, he had managed to get a little bit of information about what had happened to her, but reading about it and seeing it were two different things. He started to wrap his mind about this, but the feeling of her hands along his back were distracting him with other thoughts. Her voice brought him out of those thoughts like being doused in ice water. He hoped she didn’t see his sudden flush of embarrassment.

“Will? Does the test subject have to be a new trauma or would an old injury work just as well?” Her hands stilled on his back.

“Um… Not sure. I’m more in the favor of an old trauma. It will have allowed for natural healing to have done as much as possible for the subject. Why?” He frowned, not sure if this was going in the direction he thought it was or not.

“…I… I’ll be right back.” With that she got up and walked away.

He could hear a door open then softly close again. Sitting up, he stretched, feeling a lot better then when he came in, though there were still spots that were stiff. He started to turn to reach for his shirt when he saw her door open again and she stepped out, clad in nothing more then a sheet wrapped about her body.

She started speaking as she approached. “When you asked if I knew that the original process was for medical purposes, I said I knew better then most.” She stopped beside the couch. “Could you move the table out of the way?”

He just nodded, not trusting his voice right at the moment. After moving the table back towards the other couch, he looked up at her, hoping she wouldn’t see how badly he was blushing.

Her back was turned towards him so she never saw his face. “This is why.” Slowly she let the sheet slide down, reveling her lower shoulders, then her back. He had given freely about his past, she could not do no less.

His breath caught when he saw the amount of scars covering her back. What he had seen in the study was just a fraction of the over all number. About a third of the way down her back the gleaming silver of the metal started. It was about as wide as a mans hand, traveled down past the small of her back. Just above the cleft in her buttock it split, flowing over her hips and down her legs. He saw the bands wrapped about her upper thighs, just above and below her knees and her ankles. Her left knee was completely encased. The scars vanished under the edge of the metal where they crossed. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to endure so much. His scars were nothing compared to hers.

“You need someone to be the test subject, I’m willing to do it. In fact, I’m probably the best you’ll find. Extreme extensive trauma, plenty of time for as much healing as possible. And I have experience with the original process.” Her hands were clenched tight in the sheet as she used it to cover her front. Her eyes were closed tight.

He reached out to examine the exoskeletal structure. “I’m going to touch you a moment.” He told her softly so that she would not bolt as he touched her. Carefully he placed the tips of his fingers on the section along her hips. He felt her shiver. “I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“No…It just… Feels strange.” There was a catch in her voice. “no one… other then the Doctor…. Has ever….” She trailed off.

“I see…” he said as he carefully side a finger along the metal. He winced when he saw a couple of spots where the metal was rougher then it should be. “How long? Can you feel anything as I touch you here?” He placed his hand on her lower back then moved it up to the top of the strip. His other hand settled on her hip to keep her balanced and to let her know he was still there.

“Close to 13 years….yes, but there’s a kind of delayed reaction. One of the reasons they refused my application to the Academy.”

Looking up at her, concerned and confused. “13 years? That would mean…..” he trailed off as he did the calculations. It would put it at a couple of years after when the team was modified and sent to Limbo. “The delayed reaction time? That should not have made much difference.”

“I think they were trying to find a way to refuse it because of my… emotional state at the time.”

He stayed quiet at that. He noted the way the metal was embedded into her flesh and found it rather disturbing. This was not the way it was suppose to have been. There should have been a meld of metal and flesh that was nearly seamless. Not the morass of puckered skin and rough edges. Anger seemed to well up from no where. Completely unexpected. “Who the hell did this butcher job? It’s completely wrong! It should be beautiful, like art, not some twisted freak's idea of a torture device.  You should never have had to tolerate this.”

She stiffened biting her lip. Maybe this was a mistake, letting him see the scars and such. She started to gather the sheet up and move away, but his hands on her waist stopped her.

"Carolyn would cry to see her design used this way.  She wanted to improve people's lives, not force them to trade one pain for another.  You shouldn't feel it, should hardly see it.  Someone did you wrong here from beginning to end."

"6 Months.... It took 6 months to complete. I was awake the entire time. They only used local."

"6 months and local anesthesia every time?  Where is he?  Goddamnit, I'll kill him.  I'll kill every one of them." He stood abruptly.

“You can’t change the past….” It was said so softly. “.. and it’s best to forget it at times….”

"I can't change what happened, and I can't give you back everything you lost, but I can fix this.  The Argentium IV needs a few more tests on the transceiver.  Don't say anything now. Just think about it."

"My offer still stands. I've dealt with this for 13 years almost, a few more months won't hurt." much she added silently. She could feel the tears threatening to spill. Never had anyone cared so much for her in such a short amount of time.

"I swear, you'll be asleep the whole time.  You shouldn't even feel anything when you wake up.”  He could feel her trembling, and knew it had to be something more than the memories of the surgery.  “I’m here, if you just want to talk.  Or whatever."

She nodded, wrapping the sheet back around her. “Would.. would you…” she her lip again. “.. hold me as I…. Talk?.. I’ve never told anyone the full details.” She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes dark with emotions. Mostly of hidden pain and a vulnerability she’s never shown anyone, ever before. She was taking a huge step.

He sat back down and held his arms out.  "Come get comfortable., You don't have to look at me while you talk, if it's too hard."

Nodding she slowly curled up in his lap. Her knees were drawn up tight against her chest as she tucked her head under his chin. After a few false starts she started speaking. Telling of how her squadron was sent to New Eden, the dogfights and space battles. She described with uncanny accuracy the details of watching her friends being slaughtered. Of being shot down after a particularly brutal fight. The crash and her being hunted down.

When she got to the part about the prison camps she faltered, shivering at the memory. He ran a soothing hand across her back, murmuring soft words of encouragement. Even if she didn’t hear the exact words, she could feel them where her ear was against his chest. It was like a soft, warm and loving blanket being wrapped about her. She told about the uncounted times she was raped, tortured and beaten. About being set loose as game to be hunted down again. She told him about the one thing no one else knew. That she had been pregnant five different times though it all and how they aborted them each time. The last time had been the hardest for her since she was just over four months along.

She felt moisture on her head and reached up, tracing Will's wet cheek, and realized her was crying for her.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For being one of the gentlest, most caring souls I have ever meet. And most of all, for being you.” She shifted, leaning up to place her forehead against his own. Gently she kissed each of his eyelids, before settling her head against his shoulder. Her face buried against his neck and her arms about his shoulders. “For being my teddy bear when I need one.” The last said softly.

He felt her breath even out as she fell into a peaceful sleep finally, for the first time in a very long time.

-----

"'Morning, Katie," Will said cheerfully, passing his secretary.

"Good morning, Will. Dr. Lonergan wants a moment when you're free."

He set his briefcase on the desk and opened it, taking out some files and envelopes. "Call him and let him know I'm on my way."

Within five minutes, he was outside the office of Dr. Franklin Lonergan, Head of Experimental Medicine at Phoenix Medical.

"He's expecting me," Will told the doctor's receptionist.

"Yes. Go right in, Mr. Hart. He's waiting."

Will entered the plush corner office. "Morning, Dr. L."

"Will, come on in. Great news. We got the contract from the New Haven Military to provide them with Sentroid-model dogs. Quite a coup for you since you brought us the technology. You're gaining clout fast, Will. Right now, you could ask for anything you want and get it. Got your laundry list handy?"

Will sat where the doctor indicated. "There is something I'd like to try Dr. L. That's partly why I came by this morning. Carolyn Stargazer of NexTech sent me this." He handed over the Argentium rod.

Lonergan whistled. "NexTech, huh? Is this what I think it is?"

"Better, probably. Carolyn's the mother of a close friend of mine. That's Argentium IV. The UESC doesn't even have any yet."

"Why not?"

Will shrugged. "She never intended it for military applications. She knew I left the military and came to work here. So she sent it along. Thought I might have a use for it."

"What do you want to do Will? Say the word, and I can make it happen."

"I have a patient in mind. I want to use Argentium IV and the transceiver that goes with it to fashion her a new endoskeletal support system."

Lonergan nodded. "Whatever you need, you have it. Her Grace did me a huge favor pointing me in your direction. I'm glad to pass the favor along to you now. Who's the patient?"

"The Duchess of Huntington."

Lonergan blinked. "Will, I'm 100% behind the theory you're talking about here. But the Duchess is such a high-profile patient. What if we try it on someone a little further from the public eye, just to make sure it works?"

"I've already talked to her about it. And we'll have a back up plan in place, just in case something goes wrong."

"Will, this is serious business. The Duchess is our major benefactor. If we couldn't provide as promised..."

Will shrugged. "Talk to her yourself. I think you'll find yourself agreeing with me on this one. She has to be the first patient. And the press it brings will make the other money men sit up and take notice."

"You know that's never been a factor here, Will."

"I know. But the rest of the universe runs on who's got what. And we have to at least pretend to play the game to get along."

Lonergan thought a moment. "Okay. Show me what's you've got."

Will set a folder on the table between them. "This isn't tailored to Zan's--to the Duchess's injuries yet. I was just working with a simple spinal fracture with nerve damage."

Lonergan laughed. "There's nothing simple about a spinal fracture, Will."

"From a cybernetic viewpoint, there it. It's just one replacement. The Duchess suffered multiple severe fractures and crushing injuries." He looked down at the paper, picturing Zan there instead of the generic human outline, and tried not to tense. "I'm thinking of a combination of replacements and supports." He quickly sketched inside a blank outline. "A new spinal system from the high break down, and pelvic bone, complete with hip sockets and replacement balls on the femurs. Maybe a whole new left femur. Definitely a new left knee. And reinforcement over all the old breaks in the tib-fib and ribs."

Lonergan stared at the sketch, seeing the surgery involved. "You're going to lay her open and put everything back together again?"

"I can't do it myself. I need a surgeon. The absolute best you can find, who's willing to try something way off the charted course. We'll sit down, the whole surgical team, the Duchess, and the two of us, and lay out every step. Every cut, every needle, every screw and pin. It has to be perfect the first time."

"And you think this will work?" Lonergan asked, staring Will straight in the eyes.

"I know it will."

Lonergan waited a moment, then closed the folder, and Will slumped. It was too much, too far to reach, too big for anyone else to see...

"Assemble your team. Let me know when you need me to pull strings or get you new candidates or anything. Don't be afraid to try a dozen doctors in the role as lead surgeon. We're going to do this, Will, and EVERYONE will know it." He stood and moved over to his desk, pressing the intercom button. "Charlotte, call Records. Have them pull
everything on the Duchess of Huntington and send it to Mr. Hart's office. The sooner the better. And call the UESC as well. Find out what we have to do to get her medical records from them as well."

"Aurora Landon will help with the UESC records," Will said. "I can ask her myself."

Lonergan nodded. "Fine. Charlotte, never mind the UESC. But see what you can do to get every medical record for her you can. I want a complete medical history. Every vaccination, every flu. I want to know how many head colds she had when she was six. Are you with me?"

"Right on it, sir. Everything directly to Mr. Hart?"

"Every scrap. The sooner the better."

"Very well." The intercom clicked off, and Lonergan looked at Will. "You have a big project to work on, son. Better get started."


Will leaned back in his chair, staring out the window as the call made its way to Earth. There was a distant ringing, and finally, a receptionist picked it up.

"SL Industries, Aurora Landon's office. Good morning and how may I help you?"

"Aurora Landon, please. It's Will Hart calling."

"Just a moment, Mr. Hart. I'll see if she's free. May I put you on hold?"

"Sure."

"Thank you. Just one moment please."

There was a click, and hold music filled the line. Will shook his head. Even with money and connections, Aurora still had awful hold music. Fortunately, the wait was short.

"Mr. Hart? Thank you for holding. I'll put you through now." Before he could thank her, there was another click, and the line was ringing, then picked up.

"Will? How good of you to call."

He puzzled over her comment for a moment, then glanced down at his deck calendar. February 9. Oh, damn.

"Uh. Heh-heh. The truth is, I just now realized what day it is. But Happy Birthday, anyway."

"Well, it's a surprise for both of us, then. How are you doing out there at the far end of nothing?"

"Pretty well, to be honest. The Sentroid project went over big, so I'm more or less running the Cybernetics Division at Phoenix."

"I'll pass that on to Krys. She'll be so pleased that he was of use to you." She was silent a moment. "You know Emily moved, right? None of us can keep up with her."

Will closed his eyes and sighed. "I know. I'm just not ready to talk to her yet. Or about her, either."

"Well, you know my number when you are. So what can I have the pleasure of doing for you today?"

"I need a favor, and it's kind of involved."

"I'm not really busy. Scheduled myself a light day with a long lunch as a present. What do you need?"

"Do you know your mother sent me a sample of Argentium IV?"

"No, but I know she planned to. She must have finished it over Christmas. The General Council has been making noises about asking me to ask for a sample. I keep pointing out that NexTech is an independent company and can do what they want with their product. What about it?"

"I'm planning a trial. Internal structure replacement."

She whistled. "That's big, Will. Really big. Nobel-prize-winning big."

"I don't care about that. The test subject has been selected, and she has some medical records with the UESC. I don't need service records, just pre-injury medical stuff. That's not classified, right?"

Aurora scribbled down a note. "I don't think it is. Why? Trying to keep me out of your business?" she laughed.

"No. I just know how much you carp every time you have to leave home. Can you get them for me?"

"Sure. One way or another. What's the name and unit?"

"Zannatasia Izzabella Vernadeua. Wild Hunt Squadron, IPF-8. Huh," he said, mostly to himself. "That's Jon's old unit."

Aurora felt herself freeze, then continued carefully. "It is, at that. Interesting. So what's your fax number? I'll call someone I know in Records, and if that doesn't work, I'll go down myself."

He gave it to her. "Thanks, Aurora. I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem. Good luck." She was gone.

"Yeah. I'm gonna need it." He leaned his elbows on the desk and stared down at the calendar. February 9. His friend's birthday, and he'd forgotten. More importantly, it was the day Mon*Star had escaped. It had been news, even on Earth, and when the call went out the next day for volunteers, he and Emily had exchanged one look, then moved in unison to their CO's office. Now this day had another meaning, the day he started to put Zan's life back together, and his own. He flipped the calendar forward a few months, and put his finger down. Five months. By July 9, this project would be ready to go, come Hell or high water.

There was a knock at the door, and he looked up. "Come in."

Katie entered, pushing a rolling cart before her, piled high with folders. "The files from Records are here. Charlotte is checking on school heath records, but we may need Her Grace to sign a release."

"I'll get it if we need it. Call down to the cafeteria and have them deliver lunch up here for us. We're working through. And see if they'll send me dinner as well. I'll be here late."

"Do you need me to stay late as well?"

"No. You go home as usual and get a good night's rest. I'll have a list a mile long for you tomorrow of people I want contacted, so you'll be on the phone all day."

She made a note. "Okay. What do you want for lunch?"

"Salad and whatever the sandwich of the day is, and regular coffee delivery. And call Dr. Lonergan. I want the best surgical suite he can get for July 9. Got all that?"

"Salad and sandwich x2, coffee all day, and a surgical suite on 9 July."

"The best suite, with an observation room."

She adjusted her notes. "Got it. I'll be back in a few."

"All right. I have some reading to catch up on." He picked up the first folder and opened it, starting to read the cramped handwriting.


At 5:30, Katie stuck her head in the door to say she was leaving, and Will gave her a wave of dismissal. She had held up well at first, but as the list of specific injuries grew, her eyes started to water, and it didn't take an empath to see that she was struggling not to burst into tears. To save her dignity and his own, he sent her off on a make-work errand, then set her to work compiling the list of doctors he needed to contact at her own desk. He'd deal with what was starting to look like a ruin on his own.

A few minutes after she left for the evening, Will's fax machine rang once, then began to spit out pages one after another. He picked up the first and read it.

Dear Will,

Got a line on the info you asked for, and had it faxed straight to me. Thought it would be better if it went to an officer first, just in case. Hope these help. Good luck, and feel free to call if you need anything.

Much love,

ASL

PS I may get older, but I refuse to grow up. J/K


Will flipped through the pages as they came in. Four years worth of medical history made a large pile, and he organized them by year, sorting out regular physicals, training injury records, psych evaluations. At the end, there was another note.

W,

Couldn't get any film over the fax line. Will make other arrangements.

XOXO

A.

He looked through the papers and sighed. The pieces of information he'd been most interested in, X-rays and CT scans, were not included. There were written notes referring to them, so the records at least existed, but for the moment, he had no better visuals than what he could imagine or draw for himself. The already long night was looking even longer.



It took several knocks at the locked but lit door before Zan received any answer. "In." Will's voice was abrupt, like he'd been startled out of something.

"I brought you coffee," she said, holding up a thermos.

Will stood by the side of his desk, leaning over it as he scribbled something on a sheet of paper. As she looked around, Zan realized that there were quite a few pieces of paper, on the desk, the chairs, stuck to the walls, and the giant whiteboard was literally crawling with calculations that seemed several orders of degrees beyond algebra. "You said you'd be back a little after ten," she continued. "I started to wonder."

Will looked at the clock with a puzzled expression, as if uncertain where the hours between 9 PM and 1 AM had gone. "Huh." He looked over to her. "What size shoe did you wear before?"

"Shoe size?"

"Yeah. I don't have the CT scans from Earth yet, but I can estimate from shoe size what it should be now..."

"Will, what are you talking about?"

He clearly wasn't listening to her, only hearing some technical gibberish in his own head. "Wait, never mind. I'll just measure your arm, because the foot is in ratio to the forearm, and I can get a length for the bone from there and figure what the femur and the tib-fib  are...." He pushed aside more papers covered with calculations.

"Unless you broke your forearms," he continued. "Did you break your forearm?"

 "Uh, Will? What are you talking about?.. Err.. right forearm when I punched one of the new Hawks in a bar fight back in Limbo... just before the trial between Jon and Mike and Krys...Why?"

He was muttering to himself again. "The measurements may be a little off from right to left, but I can make the adjustments in the knee anyway...Mostly cartilage...have to find some kind…of replacement... That's fine, since it's the left I'm worried about now... compound break or hairline fracture, because if it was just a facture, the length won't be affected as badly..." Whatever he was working on that involved her shoe size, it was occupying his entire mind.

Or maybe there was a part of his mind she could still reach. She walked around behind him and blew gently in his ear. "Earth to Will Hart, come in Will Hart"

He whirled around, nearly hitting her. "Oh, sorry," he muttered. He reached for a ruler and measured her left arm, then turned back to work some figures, muttering about numbers under his breath. "Just....a....minute.....Got it!" He turned and lifted her up, swinging her around and around in the cluttered office. "It's going to work. It's going to work!"

She yelped in surprise. "Mind telling me what's going on?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulder.

"You are going on. Lonergan gave me the green light. Anything and everything, and I got the numbers I needed from Earth. All I need now are the raw materials and the people to do the job. And the game plan, with every play, every player, in black and white." He let her down gently but didn't release her.

Her surprise turned into a broad grin. "Yes!" She grabbed his head and pulled it down, kissing him. There was nothing innocent or chaste in her kiss.

Somehow moving as a unit, they managed to tumble onto the sofa rather than the floor, and it became a tangle of hands searching for bits of skin to touch. Moans and harsh pants for breath filled the air. Zan wiggled from one side until she was straddling his lap and worked free several of his shirt buttons, her cool hands slipping in against his chest. He had pulled up the back of her shirt an was running his hands across her shoulder blades.

The rattle of a janitor's cart just outside the office made them pull part, panting harshly.

"We should go," Will said, retrieving his hands from inside her clothing.

She stood up abruptly. "Yeah. I guess so." She shrugged back into her coat. "My horse is waiting, anyway."

He slid a hand behind her neck and stared deep into her eyes. "It's going to work. I'll see you back at the palace. Be careful." He kissed her forehead and watched as she left.

"I will,” she said, and was gone.


By the time he made it home, everyone but the guards on duty and a few servants were asleep, Including Zan. He was tired but elated at the same time. When he arrived at his room, he changed out of his clothes and crawled into the bed. He had debated getting a shower but decided to skip it in favor of sleep. As he was falling asleep, his mind re-played out events of a few hours earlier.

~~

Somehow moving as a unit, they managed to tumble onto the sofa rather than the floor, and it became a tangle of hands searching for bits of skin to touch. Moans and harsh pants for breath filled the air. Zan wiggled from one side until she was straddling his lap and worked free several of his shirt buttons, her cool hands slipping in against his chest. He had pulled up the back of her shirt an was running his hands across her shoulder blades.

~~

As he slept, somehow, that event got taken further when his imagination took over.

~~

He felt her shiver under his hands as he worked his way across her shoulder blades and down her back. He heard her small gasp as he slowly slid them around her sides then up to cup her breast under the material of her shirt. His thumbs caressed her hardening nipples.

She pressed in for another kiss, lips parted slightly as she did so. She felt his lips part in response as she slid the tip of her tongue across them. Capturing his bottom lip she sucked it gently, letting her teeth scrape the soft tissue. He groaned in response.

Hands sliding across kin, the ridges of the scars only enhancing the sensation. Fingers finding buttons to part the cloth that hid the skin below. A soft groan of pleasure, whether his or hers it no longer mattered, as her hips rocked against his. She could feel his arousal straining against the fabric of his pants.

“..lift your arms….”

Fabric obscured her vision as she lifted her arms and he pulled her shirt off. His hands traveling across exposed skin. They fumbled a moment as the clasp of her bra tried to deny him access. With soft chuckle at his slight growl of dismay she reached back and undid it for him, turning that growl into a groan as she kissed him again.

“.. lean forward some..” she mumbled into his mouth as the last button of his shirt came free. Her hands slid up and over his shoulders pushing the fabric down his arms.

He pulled first one arm then the other out of the sleeves, wrapping them about her back as he continued to lean forward. His mouth working its way down her throat to finally capture one of her breast.

She arched her back with a louder gasp of shocking pleasure as the wet heat of his mouth suckled at her breast. His tongue caressing the nipple. She threaded her hands though his hair as he switched from one to the other for what felt like forever. It was just as shocking when le let go, the cool air against damp skin.

He twisted where he sat, laying her down on the couch. His kisses traveling down her stomach. He looked up at her as she propped herself up on her elbows.

“Please Will, don’t leave me hanging.” She begged, face flush with desire.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” a sigh as he turned his head away a moment before looking back at her  “….I’ve… never…”

“You won’t… just do what comes natural…” she assured him with a smile. “Let your instincts guide you. I trust you, Will. I. Trust. You.”

He knew in his heart that she did and leaned over her to capture her lips in another kiss as his hands undid the buckle of her belt. He slid the zipper of her pants down and gently tugged.

She managed somehow to kick off her boots at the same time as she lifted her hips so that he could remove her pants. As he did he slid of the couch to kneel on the floor, his hands caressing her legs and inner thighs. Kissing his way up her leg to her inner thigh he felt her tremble under his touch. Indeed he let go of conscious thought and let his instincts take over. It wasn’t long after that, that she was arching her back, panting heavily as he brought her closer to the edge of release. He took his time, teasing a frustrated growl from her. Hands working across her body, teasingly light touches that enflamed her passions. He brought her to the edge and over, savoring the feeling of her release as he kissed his way back up her body. He could feel the thundering beat of her heart as she lay there under him panting, a thin sheen of sweat covering her.

“my turn” was all she said as she gathered her strength again. This time it was him on his back and her removing his pants. After several moments of silence he lifted his head to see what she was doing. She was just sitting back on her heals staring.

“what?” a sudden sense of insecurity hit him.

“ ‘acres and acres and it’s all mine’ ” a lopsided grin.

“huh?”

“punch line to joke I read.”

“oh…ooohh!” he dropped his head back with a groan as she caressed him.

What he did for her, she was going to do for him. She kissed up his inner thigh, nuzzling against the base of his arousal. Trailing her tongue up the underside, then circling the top before she took him in her mouth. It took a moment or two before she got a steady rhythm going. When she did he was writhing in pleasure, hands digging into the couch cushions. Fingers kneading his flesh as she paused to nip gently. It wasn’t long before he reached his own release.

But he wasn’t spent completely yet. He reached down and gently tugged at her hand. She grinned as she slid up his body, causing him to shudder in pleasure. Once again she was straddling his lap. She felt him growing aroused again.

“my do you have a fast recovery.” She said teasingly as she wrapped her arms about his neck.

“Lots of stamina.” He teased back as his arms went about her waist.

“Looks like it’s on to more serious business then.” She returned, kissing him again.

“That wasn’t serious?” his hands stroking her back.

“That was just the prelims. This is the real thing.” She said reaching down to stroke him a few times. She shifted slightly as she lifted herself up.

His hands went down to her hips as she positioned him. He groaned as she lowered herself down onto him. She shivered, letting out a small mew of momentary pain. He looked at her in concern, about to offer to stop when she shook her head.

“Your not hurting me.” She explained as she kissed him, easing his fear of doing just that. “it just takes a moment or two to adjust.” Nuzzling into his neck. Once she felt she was ready she slowly started to rock her hips.

He was a very fast learner and soon was matching her rhythm. Somehow they again ended up stretched out on the couch, with her under him. Her legs hooked behind his thighs, fingers digging into his shoulders. Most of his weight was resting on his elbows. They spiraled higher and higher in their mutual passions. He felt the small tremors though her body as once again he brought her to the edge. This time he joined her in that journey.

She shuddered as she went over the edge, her body tightening around him sending him over also. His world went black for a moment before an explosion of light went off in his mind. Like a supernova of rioting colors before he collapsed, spent and exhausted, on top of her.

~~

He woke with a groan, propping himself up on his elbows. His dreams had been interesting and disturbing at the same time. As he came more fully awake, he realized that there was a disturbing feeling of sticky dampness on him. He lifted the sheets and glanced down then dropped them quickly.

“no.. no no no no…..this can’t be happening to me.” He fell back onto the bed, running a hand though his sweat tangled hair. “I’m too old for this to be going on….It’s just not right.” Images from the dream flashed though his mind, causing him to react as any warm blooded male would react.

With a moan of dismay he threw the sheets back and stumbled to the bathroom. Reaching blindly for the shower controls he turned them on. Stripping out of his soiled boxers, he stepped into the flow of water. He gasped at the icy coldness, but it had the desired effect. By the time his teeth were chattering and his skin was turning blue, he switched to hot water. It would not do anyone any good if he got sick.

When he got out of the shower he wrapped the towel about his waist and moved to the bathroom counter to finish his morning rituals. Wiping away the condensation from the steam off the mirror, he glanced into his face, then had to look away. He just could not face himself this morning. Part of him wanted to run to the nearest Priest and confess his sins and do the penance. Another part of him knew there was nothing sinful about what was happening. But both were in conflict with each other.

He was glad he had left a note that he was taking the day off. It was late enough as is, right now. By the time he was feeling ready enough to leave his room, it was near lunch time.

As he entered the dining room, everyone was just sitting down. He mumbled an apology for being late and sat down also.

“Don’t worry about it Will. Considering how much you’ve been working lately, I’m surprised your even awake at the moment.”

He nodded but didn’t look at her.

The meal progressed, though there was little conversations between Will and anyone else. He’d tend to mumble something and concentrate on eating. Zan chalked it up to the amount of work he had been doing for the last few weeks.

As soon as he was finished he excused himself and left.

Zan had hopped he would stay around long enough she could apologize for being so forward last night. She just sighed and shook her head at his retreating back.

Looks were exchanged between Mac, Kali, and Kit. Something was going on and they were in the dark about it at the moment.


Will returned to his room, upset with himself over what went on at lunch. Though it all, every time he glanced at Zan, those images came back to his mind, creating that much more turmoil in him. He was embarrassed enough about what he dreamed last night, but to have his body react that same way while he was awake was just too much. Making sure his bedroom door was locked, he undressed and headed for the bathroom and another shower. He even made sure the bathroom door was locked after he entered it.

He ached in certain places. One that was so strange yet somehow hauntingly familiar. Instead of a cold shower though, he made it as hot as he could stand. Stepping into the flow of water, he hissed from the stinging pain, making sure the glass door was shut firmly. It didn’t take long before the entire bathroom was clouded with steam. Taking himself in hand he started out slowly at first, letting the memories guide his actions.

Those memories turned to others less pleasant and more damning. Of his first experience doing what he was doing now.  Of his ‘looking in’ on his sister as she experienced sex for the first time and being caught pleasuring himself. Memories of him ‘watching’ each time it happened, of feeling trapped in her pain and humiliation, of feeling her partners pleasures at taking her. Of the taunting he received in high school every time he ran from the girls that offered him ‘a good time.’ Even that one time in Hawk Haven when he had planned on taking an hour or so in one the VR room came unbidden. Of feeling the rutting lust from Jon and of the pain that turned to pleasure from Krys coming from one of those rooms.

By the time he was spent, his skin was red from the heat of the water. With a sobbing moan he slid down to his knees, curling inward. His body shook with exhausting as he managed to climb back to his feet. Reaching out automatically he took the rough sponge and started to scrub. It didn’t matter that there wasn’t any soap on it, just that it was there. He left not a single inch of skin untouched. The white of his scars turned pink as the rest of his skin turned blood red. In some spots he had even managed to the blood to the surface. The water was turning pink as it streamed off him, yet still he scrubbed, his memories hounding him. Of how it was ‘bad and evil and sinful.’

He had fled as soon as he could to cower in his room. Emily had found him there later, sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, his head buried in his arms. "Will, what is it?'  she had felt the images from his mind, simply held him as he rocked back and forth, while a steady anger burned for those that had hurt her brother.

The water had turned cold again, he was shivering, and the pink had dwindled away as the scratches bled out. He turned off the water, crawled out onto the bathroom floor as the images continued to loop in his mind.  Zan, Emily, Jon, Krys.. the memories got stronger as they reran in his brain, images that he could not shake.

Still sobbing, he curled his fist and started pounding it on the bathroom floor. “Leave me alone… please…” it was a bare whisper in the silence of the room. But the memories would not, they only taunted him more. Zan’s words came to him as well as the emotions involved. Of her time in the POW camp…

The dirty faces of the men beating her, their fists crashing into her body over and over.  The debilitating pain, and their cruel grins.  The wider smiles as they tore at her flight suit, yanked open her legs. Her violation, over and over, different faces same pain.  The bleeding from her center and her legs where they had scratched at them, cut her legs with knives.  His mind shrinking horrified away from the images that would not go away.  He was dimly aware of blood spots on the floor of the bathroom.

At some point in time the memories let him go, leaving him exhausted and alone in the brightly lit room. Mechanically he got to his feet and cleaned everything up. He didn’t even bother to cover himself up as he unlocked the door and headed for the bed. As sleep took him, he wished for the comforting embrace that Emily use to give when he was like this.

In passing he heard the light knocking of someone checking on him. He must have said something because they left him alone after that. He also received a note From Dr. Lonergan that he had the all the days off that he needed, ‘Sick Leave’ as it were. When he was up and about, he had his meals in his room to avoid seeing Zan or anyone else. After the first couple of days his room was getting to be too confining.


He was walking down one of the halls, shoulders hunched, his head down watching his feet. He stopped in mid step when he saw a familiar pair of boots in front of him. Slowly raising his eyes he saw Zan standing there, head tilted to the side slightly, looking concerned.

“Will? Are you ok? I’ve been worried about you.”

He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t get anything out. A panicked expression crossed his face as he turned suddenly and walked away.

“Will?.. Will!” Concern colored her voice.

He heard her call his name but he ignored it. Then he heard it, her steps following him. He speed up his pace and hers matched. Turning blindly down one hallway then another till he was lost. He came to a dead end, no where to run anymore. He had been so focused on his work that he neglected to find out where everything was in the Palace. He stood there, shoulders hunched as he panted in harsh breaths. His hands clenched into fist by his sides. He flinched when he felt her hands come to rest on his shoulders.

“Will, will you please tell me what’s going on? Is it something I’ve done? Please, tell me so that I will know what to do.” Her voice soft and coaxing.

He did the first thing that came to mind. He turned and kissed her. Seriously kissed her,  not just some polite peck on the lips. His arms going about her shoulders as he held her there. He felt her lips part under his, his tongue slipping between them to taste her. She tasted of coffee and cream, of smoky cloves and icy mints. It was intoxicating to him. Intoxicating and shocking at the same time.

She was startled at first, but sagged against him, her arms wrapping about his waist to keep herself standing. This was better then she could ever imagine it would be.

Just as suddenly as he started he stopped and just slumped against the wall  "Oh, God.  I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.  I didn't mean..." looking anywhere but at her.

It takes a moment or two to get her breath back but when she does "..Sorry? For what?.. Damn it Will, I'm not a mind reader. You have to tell me for me to understand." She gave him space though she wouldn’t have minded getting a whole lot closer.

"Things....I can't stop seeing....can't stop feeling....It's all mixed up...."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes letting it out slowly as she reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh dear lord in heaven...what is going on?"  She opened her eyes again, taking his hand and tugging lightly. "Come on, we have to talk, but privately."

Will flinched a little but didn't pull away.  "Okay."  He knew he was defeated.

Zan found a nice private, out of the way little room, a small table, a couple of deep winged back chairs, a wet bar. She guided him to one. "Sit."

He fell more than sat, elbows on knees, face in hands.

She ran a hand though her hair as she moved to the wet bar and grabbed a bottle of hundred plus year old whiskey and a couple of shot glasses. Once those were in hand she returned and sat down across from him, pouring 2 shots. Sliding one over to him, she took the other and tossed it back.

He shook his head.  "It doesn't make them go away.'

"No but it makes them easier to talk about. Liquid bravery is what I hear it's referred to."

He raised the glass.  "To courage in a bottle."  And gulped, coughing and sputtering afterwards.  "A very old bottle."

"It was given to Papa Charlie back when I was a kid. It was over a hundred years old then." She poured another round but left it sitting on the table. "Now then....Talk to me."

He shook hi