The Price We Pay:
Toussaint Valentine


(Phantom)
Over time I had managed to acquire some of the Peace Flower leaves in their raw form, from Whistler (the Copper Kid). I planed on adding them to a mix of peyote and rosehips. I had bought a small long stemmed ceramic pipe on Bedlama also.

I planed on doing some a simple dream quest. and I chose a spot on Bedlama for it. I needed to be close to my natural element for it to work. My element was Earth, you see.

I gathered some supplies to take with me. Plenty of water to drink afterwards and a bedroll to sleep in. I knew I was not going to be in any shape to fly for at least a good twelve hours after I came out of the Dream Quest. I was going to sleep under the wings of the HummingBird.

Once I got to Bedlama I landed the HummingBird in a nice secluded corpse of trees near a calm lake. About a mile to the east was a temple of some type. But since it was far enough away that neither I nor they would be disturbed, I chose to ignore it.

After landing I got out and changed into my buckskin leggings and tunic. After brushing out my hair I slipped on the Wolf skin headdress and the chocker collar that matched. In my hair I braided in the Hawk and Owl Feathers. I was pretty strange looking needless to say.

I started a small fire and sat down in a lotus position. Then I light the pipe. The first lung full of smoke stung some. The second was numbing. By the third everything was fine. Truth be told I don't consciously remember much after that. All I know is that when I came to, the pipe held nothing but ash ,the fire was only glowing coals and my mind was full of images that would take me days or longer to understand.


(Toussaint)
I had just come from a memorial service honoring an old friend of mine. Holy Master Hajin Dursto had passed away about two weeks previous. My granddaughter, Detia and my great granddaughter, Camiel, were devastated by his passing. Even Detia's husband, Mikel, took it hard. Hajin had been a very important part of their lives. He was an important part of mine too. He was 155 cycles. The average Mimian lives to be at least 200 so it came as a shock to most. He didn't even fall ill. At least that could have provided some warning. His mate, Baca, said he went to lay down for a nap one afternoon and just never woke up. I helped put together the funeral service on the Planet of the Mimes and the memorial service on Bedlama. Turns out he had done some important work with Governor Xander some years ago.

Grieving for Hajin wasn't as hard on me as I thought it would be. He had lived a full life and touched many lives, including my own. However the sting of grief over my son Jawan seems to trouble me so much more. There's nothing like a child leaving this world before his parents. Especially in the violent manner in which my son's life was taken. And his sweet little wife died right along side him. I pray every day that the pain of the loss would lessen, but the wound seems to be fresh every waking morning. The only thing that helps me deal with the hurt is to sing. That's what I loved about my son. No matter what he was going through, he managed to sing a song to encourage not only himself, but those around him. As I sat beneath the shade of a tree by the lake, I began to sing one of Jawan's favorites:

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billow roll
Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

(Phantom)
I blink a few times. The sound of someone singing drifts though the trees to me. Dumping the ashes from the pipe into my hand, I add a little water to create a paint of sorts. Dabbing my fingers into the mix then dragging them across my face. From side to side across my eyes then five streaks down my face from forehead to chin.

Getting up from my lotus position, leaving behind the pipe, and the coals of the fire I head off in search. My bare feet make nary a sound. In the light colors of the buckskin, I look like a ghost drifting though the trees. When I neared the person singing I crouched down in the shadows.

"Why the sad Song Elder?" My voice was rougher then usually thanks to the peyote, rosehips and peace flower leaves. It came out almost a soft gravely growl.

I tilted my head to the side, like a wolf would do.


(Toussaint)
"Lord have mercy! You startled me! I didn't even know anybody else was here!" I couldn't help laughing a bit, at myself mostly. I looked up at the stranger...emphasis on 'strange.' She was wearing animal skins and it looked like she had her face painted. She even kinda smelled like ganja. I remember thinking, 'Oh Lord, I hope this isn't one of them crazy people they say live out in the woods.' As I observed her I decided she didn't look too threatening. "To answer your question, I just came from a memorial service for a very close friend of mine. It was held at that temple over there."


(Phantom)
"Ah" is all I say at the moment. "But you should be happy. That friend is on the other side. Where there is no pain or sorry. Where there is only peace and happiness. Or how ever the religion of your choice describes things." I stand smoothly and move closer before crouching down again, this time within arms length. My hands rest lightly on my knees. Blue-gray eyes seem to be slightly glazed in appearance.


(Toussaint)
"Actually, I'm glad that he lived such a full significant life and is now at rest. I'm feeling sad mostly for myself. I do miss him so. He was such a wise, sweet man. But that's really not the core issue for me now. Valentine's Day is coming up in a few days. That marks the day that my son and his wife were murdered by purist terrorists..." I paused to choke back tears as I leaned my head back against the tree trunk. Part of me wondered why I was opening up to this stranger, talking to her about these feelings that I won't even discuss with my wife, Marie. "It's been almost 20 years and it still hurts like it just happened."


(Phantom)
"Because you heart has yet to come to terms, where your head has accepted the fact they are gone. Your heart feels the pain of the way they died. It does not feel the fact they are beyond the reach of such people. Tell me Elder. Did they have children? Was their legacy passed on?" tilting my head to the side again.


(Toussaint)
"They had one daughter. She's so much like her father. Strong in spirit, full of joy, always singing. Her name is Detia, and she's a living miracle. The MATI have been after her for years and yet she's survived every one of their attacks against seemingly impossible odds. I believe it's her mother's prayers keeping her. She started praying over that child since before she was even born." I took a deep breath as I wiped away tears. "She lives here in Limbo with her husband Mikel and their three children."


(Phantom)
"Aahh, Whistler’s Lady love. Their Daughter, the White Hawk. A son that hears nothing, but listens to everything. And the youngest, an image of his father." I know them well. Spoil the kids rotten when I get the chance. "You are blessed with children such as those. Do not let the death of your children over shadow the joy your great grand children can give you."


(Toussaint)
I smiled when she mentioned Detia and Mikel's children.

"You actually know my great grand children? Small world, I say! Camiel has grown up so fast. Valentino is not too far behind. He's turning out to be quite the poet. And Mikel Pita is so...loud!" I laughed. My visitor chuckled a bit. "If Jawan and Adran were still with us, I know they would enjoy them greatly. I'm so very proud of them. Especially Cami. She's come a long way in her Spirit Quests."


(Phantom)
"One makes up for the other's silence." I nod. "And she will have a long ways to go before it is all over with. Life is a constant quest. To find out who we are, what we are, or what we are suppose to be doing."

I reach forward and tap him on the chest, right over his heart. "They are with you still. In there. As long as you remember them, they will be with you. Always and forever."

In reminding him of that, I also remind myself, to keep those that I have lost in my heart.


(Toussaint)
Heh. There I was, Pastor Valentine of Imani Temple, receiving words of wisdom and comfort instead of the other way around. It was about time. I was getting weary of being the strong one who always knew the right thing to say. We conversed for about an hour before I realized I hadn't even properly introduced myself.

"Oh, Lord, look at me! I haven’t even told you my name! I'm Pastor Toussaint Valentine." I put a hand out in greeting and she took mine in hers.

"Phantom." I was about to pick the conversation back up when I heard someone calling in the distance.

"Papa Toussaint! Where are you?" Detia? Yes it was. She had Mikel Pita on her hip. My wife Marie was with her crossing the glen. Mikel and the other children weren't too far behind. I called to them and they turned towards my voice. Phantom and I both stood up to greet them.


(Phantom)
Crossing my arms over my chest I waited, head tilted to the side, for their reactions to the way I was dressed. Needless to say I got surprised looks from Detia, Mikel, and the other adult. Cami just blinked and shook her head. Tino was the one that said the most while Mikel Pita just stared, unsure of who I was at the moment.

~Your Face is Dirty Aunt Zan~ he signed to me after looking me up and down then making a face.

I threw my head back and started laughing. Only a child could be so straight forward and innocent at the same time. After a few minutes I calmed down and signed back. ~want me to clean it?~ I had been learning from Tino how to sign But I don't remember if it was in the language of the Mimes or English. Not that it matter that much to me.

He nodded.

"I'll be right back" I said as I turned and headed back into the woods towards where I had parked the Hummingbird.


(Toussaint)
When Phantom returned after cleaning up, Mikel Pita's face lit up and he started to squealing! As Phantom came over he leaned towards her waving his arms. She then gathered him up, held him over her head and gave him a loud raspberry on the tummy. Mikel Pita was loving that! When everyone started to laugh, I heard something strange. It sounded like...Jawan's laughter. I looked around to see if anyone else heard it. No, it didn't seem like it. When I looked back towards the Temple I saw an amazing sight. Jawan, Adran, and Hajin were standing there smiling. I remember thinking 'Oh Lord, I done got a contact high from Phantom's ganja!' After a few moments, the three apparitions turned and headed towards the Temple and vanished. As they disappeared, three little sparrows flew up from the grass where they had last stood. Very faintly I could hear Jawan sing, His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches you.


(Phantom)
I had seen a glimmer of something from the corner of my eye while I was playing with Mikel Pita. Then I noticed that Toussaint looking about for a moment. I just smiled. I swung Mikel Pita around in a circle above my head once more before settling him on my hip. He managed to reach up and grab a hand full of hair that included a pair of the feathers. Chuckling I rescued the feathers from his small hands, removing them from my hair at the same time.

"Did you know, birds are considered messengers from the Gods by many people still?" I brush the tips of the feathers across his skin, tickling him. Mikel Pita laughed, reaching for the feathers again. Toussaint looked startled when I said that. I just gave him a wink and continued on with what I was saying. "Take the Eagle for example. To the Native American Indians of Earth, he comes to the Warrior to take his battle prayers back to Grand Father. To the Eskimos The Raven is the messenger. To Christians, the Dove is a sign of peace. And to the Druids, the Owl is Wisdom."

Turning to look at Toussaint, feathers in hand, "Tell me Pastor, what does the Sparrow represent?"


(Toussaint)
"The sparrow?" I was caught off guard by what Phantom said. Could she see them too? "Well, the Bible says that we are worth more to God than many sparrows and yet he takes care of each and every one. I guess you could say they represent God's provision for his children."

Marie came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Toussaint, we were worried about you. You were gone for quite some time and we didn't know where you had gone. Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine Marie. I just needed some time to get away," I replied as I kissed her forehead. As everyone started to head back to Mikel and Detia's house, I hung back with Phantom.

"Did you uh...see what I saw?"


(Phantom)
"A trio of sparrows where there were once a trio of…. Something or someone?" I just smile again. Making a small gesture with one hand I quoted a line from an old sci-fi movie. "Use the Force Luke"

Shaking his head he chuckled softly.

I pitched my voice a little higher and used a funny accent. "the Force is everywhere. It Binds up to all living things. It's in the plants, in the animals. In everything. Hmm.. Yes.. yes it is. Good eh? Hehehehehe"

Apparently Mikel and the others heard me so they turned to look at me. I just grinned at them. "Hey, I like those old movies. Got the entire collection. All nine movies, from the original releases to the newest. Next time I get the chance I'll bring them over for you guys to watch."


(Toussaint)
I laughed at Phantom's imitation of Yoda from that ancient vid called "Star Wars."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're crazy?"

"I think I've heard that said before," she replied with a grin.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw what I saw. At least I know I'm not high or losing my mind."

We finally caught up with the others. Detia asked if Phantom wanted to join us for dinner. Phantom gladly accepted.

"Maybe you can tell me more about your son, his wife, and your friend," she whispered to me as she nudged me in the side.

"That sounds like a plan," I whispered back as we stepped up on Mik and Dee's porch.


(Phantom)
This would give me time to get the stuff out of my system. I may be crazy but I'm not dumb enough to go flying while coming down off of a 'high.' Even one as relatively harmless as the one I had been on. Besides, Detia was a good cook. She had a few recipes that I wanted to get copies of.

After Dinner we were sitting around in the living room. Mikel Pita had claimed my lap and was snuggled up against me. I just gave Mikel and Detia a helpless shrug and a lop sided grin. "What can I say? Children flock to me for some reason. Even those that have never meet me make a beeline right for me." If they think this is something, they should see me when I go to Fense.

"So, you were going to tell me about a certain trio" I turned my head to look at Toussaint as I spoke.


(Toussaint)
"Jawan was our only son. Born in Haiti, but raised in Baltimore, Maryland on Earth. He had always been interested in non-Terran cultures, especially on the Planet of the Mimes. At the time of his research not much was known about Mimians. During the time of his research in Mua country, which is in the eastern areas, he met Adran. She was a pretty little thing with lavender skin. In fact, that's a picture of them on their wedding day on the mantel. It looks like Adran is a little shorter than Jay but he's actually sitting down. Jawan was over six feet tall while Adran was barely five feet."

I looked over and saw Mikel Pita nodding off. He jerked his head back up and started to whine a little as he laid his little head on Phantom's chest.


(Phantom)
"You know how to grow them tall don't you?" I said as I glanced at the picture in question. When Mikel Pita started to whine a little as he lay his head on my chest I just smiled softly. I glanced at Detia mouthed the word 'bedroom'. She got up to put him to bed, but I shook my head and motioned that I would. Standing I gently swayed as I started in the right direction. Softly under my breath I started to sing. Toussaint would recognize the tune, if not the words. It was Amazing grace, but I sung it in Cherokee.


(Toussaint)
She was singing "Amazing Grace." It wasn't in English but I could tell what it was. By the time Phantom finished singing Mikel Pita was out like a light. I knew things were gonna be quiet for a while in that house. When Phantom came back from putting the little one to bed I continued our conversation.

"I see you know 'Amazing Grace' but do you know 'His eye is On the Sparrow?' That was one of Jawan's favorite songs." Before I even finished my sentence Dee had put a CD in the player. It took me a few seconds to realize it was a recording Jawan had made after he moved back to Earth with Adran and Detia. It was the very song I had just asked Phantom about.


(Phantom)
"Until you mentioned it, never have. Most of the stuff I grew up with was either Tribal songs or stuff from the radio. Songs by Walela was as closes as I got to stuff like gospel. But I tend to collect music like I collect new friends. With ease it seems." Sitting back down, crossing one ankle over my knee.

I listened for a bit. "Good voice. Did he sing much gospel or choir?"


(Toussaint)
"He sang a little jazz and a little blues, but he sang mostly gospel. That's what he was raised on. That's also him on piano. You know besides holovids, that's all we have with his voice on it? I think he did about five songs solo on that CD. He grew up in a very musical family. You should see our family reunions. We have yet to hire a dj!" I laughed.

"Wow. Now that's a lot of musical talent in one spot, huh?"

"Exactly."

"Tell me about his wife."

"Adran? Oh, she was just the sweetest little thing. A little on the nervous side though. It was as if she was always looking over her shoulder. I sometimes wonder if she knew those people were after her."


(Phantom)
"Could have." I said softly. "Considering the gifts that Cami has, it would not surprise me if she had a touch of a gift also." Then I shrug slightly, chuckling. "I bet the babes even cried in tune when everyone gets together. I may not have much talent in the way of music, but I can tell a good pitch from a bad one." I stretch my arm across the back of the couch, propping my head up on with a hand.

I ponder the thought of seeing if any Temple choirs or other such groups may wish to send a demo to Lady Hasau. If they sell it would be a great way to bring in money to the group the singers are with.


(Toussaint)
I leaned over to Phantom and whispered to her, "Don't worry. You probably sound better than Mikel. For a Mua he sure is tone deaf." We both stated to chuckle and everyone else looked over to see what was so funny. I just looked over and shrugged my shoulders.

"So, tell my about your friend, uh..."

"Hajin Dursto. He was such a wonderful friend. I met him when my son and Adran got engaged. They asked us to perform a joint wedding ceremony for them. I liked him from the start. He was funny, friendly, and wise. He had a way of seeing things in a different light and helping others open their eyes to it. One thing I loved about him was that he was very forgiving and understanding. He believed unforgiveness is a waste of spiritual energy."


(Phantom)
"He sounds like someone I would have enjoyed knowing. He also sounds like someone who would be having a major fit to see everyone moping around feeling sorry. Someone once said Life is a Journey. Then if that is so, don't look as death being the final distention. Think of it as merely a change traveling plans. New adventures away on the other side that one cannot even begin to imagine, till one has experience it."

Ever had the feeling that what you just said makes no sense to the speaker but everyone else understands it perfectly? That is what I'm feeling about now. I have no idea where that just came from, but if it works, don't argue.


(Toussaint)
"Heh. Sounds like something Hajin would say. Sure you never met him?" I joked. At that time Detia announced that it was time for dessert. Strawberry shortcake. And it was Marie's recipe. You know I was gonna get me some of dat! Phantom wasn't too far behind.


(Phantom)
"Unless I met him in another life, nope never met him" I joked back.

Oh, I was in heaven with the desert. I loved strawberries in the first place but this was pure bliss. I let out a small sigh of pleasure as I ate. Once I was finished with my piece I sat back. "That was marvelous. Reminds me of some of the stuff I would have during the summers with Granny Matti. She had a small strawberry patch and I use to raid it every chance I get. Got in trouble a few times, but it was well worth it."


(Toussaint)
I think Camiel must have overheard us talking about Master Hajin. She got very quiet all of a sudden and her countenance changed. She eventually left the room.

"Cami has taken Hajin's death pretty hard. He was her mentor during her first two spirit quests. They were very close." Phantom nodded in understanding.


(Phantom)
"So I gather." Looking off in the direction that Cami fled. "Maybe she should have been the one to see the sparrows fly." I say softly then shake my head.


(Toussaint)
"I think she'll be all right. She's doing well at the Academy. She has special training because of her gifts. I believe after she's done training she'll be a force to be reckoned with. I'm very proud of her." As we continued our conversation I saw Detia go after Camiel. I guess she was going to see if her daughter was all right.

"I wish you could have met Hajin's wife, Baca. She's a sweet lady. Those two were quite a pair. She was at the memorial service but she had to prepare to return to her home world. Their great grandson, Volshae, is going to take Hajin's place as High Holy Elder of the Temple of Love once he's completed his training. Right now, Baca is."


(Phantom)
"That's good to hear. I'm sure she will be." I watch as Dee leaves to check on Cami. Poor girl. "So they were a pair? That's an interesting concept. For a couple to share duties incase one or the other is sick or injured." Nodding my head. "She sounds like it if she was married to him, even though I never meet him."


(Toussaint)
"Yes, they were married. They also had a very special bond between them. I believe they call it kyven . Ever heard of it? Hajin told me they met during his final spirit quest. She had been transferred from another Temple to tend the gardens."

"Heh. Perfect timing."

"Yes, it was. And it turned out they were a perfect match."


(Phantom)
"Sounds like it. As for Kyven .. Sounds like some things I've read in fantasy books. Soul Mates, Life Mates. Soul Bonds…. At least that one I do know about." A small smile. I don't think many know about my connection to Em. Her, Will, Hotwing. That's about it.


(Toussaint)
"Hajin once told me that once the kyven is sealed nothing can break the bond. Not even death."

"Wow. Now that's a powerful bond."

By that time, Marie had come over from talking to Mikel to sit next to me.

"Phantom, this is my wife Marie."

"A pleasure. And you can call me Zan."


(Phantom)
"So how did you two meet?" then I held up my hand " no.. Wait.. let me guess. A strange and magical moment when you looked up and saw him for the first time. Angels sang as golden rays of sunlight poured over him." Chuckling softly. "am I even close?"


(Toussaint)
"We met at church, actually. My mother was part of da Caribbean Council of Churches and I was along for da trip," Marie answered. "When I first met Toussaint, I didn't pay him much mind. I was too busy looking at one of the Pastor's sons." Zan gave a mock gasp, while I laughed. I remembered that time well.

"I was just an usher then, so I didn't stand a chance! Or so I thought."


(Phantom)
"Caught you unaware did he? It's the quite ones you have to watch out for." Grinning as she said it. "Honestly, I can say I'm not too fond of most churches. I was originally raised Southern Baptist, but when it got to the point of everyone trying to out do everyone else, I stopped going. Besides, I kept falling asleep up in the balcony during the service. Granted I was about 4 or 5 at the time, but still.." shrugging this time.

The pair laughed, apparently knowing how hard it was for a child that young to stay away during such long sermons.

"I'll tell you though, there is one place that, while I'm neither a member of the congregation nor of that faith, I do enjoy going to."

"Oh? Where is that?" asked Toussaint.

"The Church that the Royal family goes to in Paradise City. It's beautiful. You see the Royal Family is originally descended from the Russian Royalty. Though it's not a replica of the Church at St. Petersburg, Russia, it is quite similar in design. The entire city is gorgeous for that matter. If you ever get a chance to go to New Eden, stop by and take a look around."


(Toussaint)
"I'd love to see the church! Have to schedule a visit way ahead of time though. Pastoring and traveling with the choir eats up a lot of my time. Listen, why don't we exchange contact information so we can make future arrangements."

At about that time, Detia came downstairs with her foster child, Gypsy. She had left him at home for the memorial service because he was still recovering from a cold. She set him down in Phantom's arms.

"Looks like he slept the whole time, Zan. Poor baby. He's starting to wake up though. I figured he'd want to see you," Dee explained as she stroked the now stirring child's head.


(Phantom)
Zan waited till Gypsy was more awake before speaking to him. "Hey there. Not feeling too hot are you?" She had him cradled in her arms, his head laying on her shoulder as she ran a hand though his unruly hair.

He shook his head slightly, snuggling against her more tightly.

Zan could tell he was still fighting the cold cause he wasn't his usual hyper self. Glancing at Dee as she stroked Gypsy's back. "Did he respond well to the normal medicine? I was a little worried about that since he's not of a people I recognize right off the bat. Though he does remind me of Whisper some what. I'll try and get a hold of her and ask if there's anything in particular that she takes when she gets sick." Reaching up to feel his forehead then brushing a finger across his nose too. "I think he may be still running a low grade fever."


(Toussaint)
"Well, he's certainly not as feisty as when I first met him. I thought I'd never see my kente cloth again!" I chuckled as I scratched him under the chin. He seemed to give a half hearted smile.

"Poor baby. He'll probably have to rest up for a couple more days," Marie added.

Little Gypsy looked like he could definitely use some cheering up, so I sang a song that he seemed to like the last time I saw him

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in his sight
Jesus loves the little children
Of the world

I could tell he like it because I saw a little smile form on his face.


(Phantom)
She just held him, eyes half-closed as she listed to the quiet murmur of conversations going on about her. It was that back ground conversations that lulled her into a light doze. Gypsy's head tucked under her chin, her arms about him. She had not intended to have fallen asleep the way she did, but it happened


(Toussaint)
It was getting late in the evening, and the time had come for Marie and I to return to the hotel. I didn't want to disturb Zan and Gypsy to say good bye, so I told Detia to tell Zan I really enjoyed her company. I definitely plan on stopping by the church she told me about. After we bid everyone farewell, my wife and I walked to the rental car hand in hand. I realized that I was feeling pretty good about things. I realized just how richly blessed I was to be surrounded by such a loving family. I had also made a new friend. When I'm feeling this good, I can't help singing.

I sing because I’m happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

At that moment I realized I was truly free. Free of being burdened down with grief. If Jawan could see me now, I know he'd be smiling.

-Fin


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